Something Beautiful
by alwaysandforever.x
Summary: Bella's a normal college student not expecting anything to change. Her life becomes a whirlwind when she meets Edward and they're soon in love. He has a tragic secret though - he's got Leukaemia. Will he ever tell her the truth before its too late? AH.
1. All We Are

**A/N- Hii, so heres another new one from me. I honestly never planned on posting this story- its been on my computer completed for ages, but I finally decided to put it on. It hasnt taken any time from me writing AHR or Unstoppable because its been completed for ages. But yeah... if people don't like it then I don't mind- I'll just take it down. **

**Oh and just to let you know there are only three chapters, and have the tissues ready just in case! You won't need them in this chapter but you might for the next two if you stick around!**

**So heres a summary- Bella's a normal college student, living with her best friend, working to get by and certainly not expecting anything to change. Her life becomes a whirlwind when she meets Edward and they soon fall in love. He has a secret though- one thats set to take him away from her... he has leukeimia and not long to live. Will he tell her the truth and will their relationship work despite everything? All Human. Canon pairings. **

**Anyway hope you like this... please _review_ if you do! :D**

* * *

" _I tasted, tasted love so sweet,  
__And all of it was lost on me.  
__Bought and sold like property,  
__Sugar on my tongue… _

_I kept falling over,  
__I kept looking backward  
__I went broke believing,  
__That the simple should be hard… _

_All we are we are,  
__All we are we are…  
__And every day is a start of 'something beautiful…' "_

**~ SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL ~**

**~ CHAPTER ONE ~**

**Present day**

I was certain that I was dreaming right now… what I was experiencing wasn't one of those situations where you couldn't distinguish the difference between dreams and reality- where you would end up waking up and expecting to be in the same situation you were a moment ago.

No.

I knew that this was a dream because this was the exact same dream I'd had for approximately 240 days or so. When this dream started I actually believed that it was real for a while, but quickly ended up learning that it wasn't when I continued to wake up every morning, hopeful that I would open my eyes to _something beautiful_… something different to what I had now.

But still, even though I knew it wasn't real, it didn't mean that I couldn't appreciate it… every single night when I saw _him_ in my dreams.

It goes as follows… _'The woods were growing darker by the second yet I continued walking, knowing where I was heading or what I was looking for. The pathway was clear despite the darkness, and I continued to follow it knowing where it would take me._

_I could hear in the distance that the birds were singing, and the waves were crashing- I could almost smell the salt in the air confirming that thought. Them things alone were enough to encourage me onwards, because I knew I was almost there. _

_Finally my journey ended and I was at the cliffs edge- over looking the entire bay. I walked right to the edge, and sat on top of a rock admiring how I could seem to see for miles… the water just continued to stretch forwards, fading into the skyline which was now a brilliant royal blue. _

_Apart from the water there was no noise but then I suddenly heard something- it sounded like a branch snapping, which made me instantly aware. _

"_Hello?" I called, my voice echoing, "is anyone there?" _

_And then out of the silence, a soft voice called for me, "Bella, where are you?!"_

_I gasped. It was him- I would know his beautiful voice anywhere. _

_I stood from the rock and look towards the forest; "I'm here…" I breathed. _

_And then he stepped out of the trees… and he was perfect. _

_His hair was windblown, his clothes were rumpled, and yet he wore the most brilliant smile, his eyes lighting up as if the entire world was right in front of him. I uncharacteristically smiled and ran to him, not even stopping when I got close enough, but instead choosing to jump right into his outstretched arms. _

_He laughed elatedly and spun us around a couple of times before stopping and placing me back on my feet so he could stare into my eyes. _

_I stared back in wonder, "you're here…" I breathed._

"_I'm here." He whispered between kisses to my cheek and forehead, "You know I would never leave you right?" he murmured, burying his face into my hair. _

"_I know… its just you've been gone so long," I whispered, clutching onto him tighter. _

"_I'll always come back though, beautiful. Remember? I'm here and I'll never leave you," he whispered, lifting me up protectively into his strong warm arms…_

In my dream we stayed in eachother's arms as time passed around us in a hurry. We held on through the snow, the rain, the falling leaves and the bright sunshine, constantly whispering our devotion for eachother.

And because of this dream, I always looked forward to the night- because I knew what it would bring.

However, there was a time not so long ago where I wouldn't dream at all… a time when I didn't need too…

**_Two years ago…_**

**13th September 2007**

_Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me…_

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELLA!"

"So how does it feel being 22, feel old yet?"

"… Rosie, the right thing to ask Bella is 'have you fallen over yet?'"

"Emmett… do you want her to punch you in the face?"

"Bella! You _have_ to open your present from me!!"

The loud voices from my four friends almost convinced me to cover my ears or run for cover… it was far too early for anyone to be this cheerful in my opinion.

Even if it was _supposed_ to be a special occasion…

"BELLA!!"

"Okay, okay I'm opening it!" I told my best friend Alice with a smile. She grinned smugly and handed over a pink package to me, I quietly thanked her and began opening it, aware of everyone's eyes on me.

Everyone in the room was quiet with anticipation… they all seemed far more excited about this then me. I really had tried my best to show enthusiasm for them - simply because I loved them for the effort they had made - but I just couldn't.

Turning the ripe old age of twenty-two while surrounded by my best friend and her boyfriend and her brother along with his girlfriend only reminded me of one _small _thing…

I opened the rest of the present to see a brand new cell phone.

"Oh my… Alice you really didn't have to…" I gasped, instantly worrying about how much she had spent.

She smiled and moved from her seat opposite to sit beside me, "Trust me I did, its about time you started acting like you live in the 21st century… I want to be able to text you anytime I need you instead of always getting your voicemail!"

I bit my lip, hesitating, "But it must have cost so much…"

"It didn't!" she insisted, "they felt like they owed me a discount after the amount of money I've spent at the store!"

"I don't know whether to believe that, but I guess I have no choice right?" I sighed looking up at her.

She smiled smugly, "Nope, not at all!"

"In that case I love it! Thank you Ally," I told her sincerely, giving her a hug.

I truly did love Alice… she had always been my best friend. We had both grown up in the same small town of Fork's our whole lives, and despite Alice's older brother Emmett being around a lot it was pretty much always us two- we were in the same year at school and always in eachother's classes. People used to joke that we were twins because of how much we stuck together… we even used to look alike, due our similar hair and eye colour. It was always that way until I got a growth spurt at the age of eleven and Alice decided she preferred her hair much shorter... but yeah, to me she was always the_ 'sister-I-never-had'_ and always will be.

So… it really was a no brainer three years ago when we both decided to come to Seattle to go to college together, which was coincidentally where Emmett was studying.

That was when Rosalie and Jasper came into all of our lives. They were twins and the same age as Emmett- in other words a year older then Alice and me.

I had grown to love them all, but couldn't help but feel like a fifth wheel sometimes. They always adjusted their plans to keep me company and it was making me feel guilty.

Sadly, as I sat surrounded by my friends, trying to celebrate my birthday I didn't expect anything to change.

And as I watched them all together I never even dreamed of imagining that I would find someone who would sweep me off my feet, and cause the most heartache, love and strong feelings I would ever feel.

But then again… just who would have expected what was about to happen to me?!

***~*~***

I still hadn't figured out who to work the phone when I arrived at the coffee shop for work later that day.

Yes work on my birthday… unlucky for some huh?

Actually, maybe that's over exaggerating to call it unlucky… truth be told I actually didn't mind my job at all- I only worked a few days a week, and that was just to support me through college. The work itself was never that difficult… unfortunately the shop wasn't as busy as it should be, which was unlucky for the kind managers Sam and Leah… but in this situation it was good for me.

I currently had no customers waiting to be served so I continued to play with the phone trying to figure out what all the applications meant- seriously... why do these things even have internet on them? … I swear they are designed to embarrass all of us technophobes.

I was figuring out how to store peoples phone numbers when it began ringing, I jumped in surprise at the loud noise and noticed a couple of customers looking at me. I quickly pressed the green button like Alice had instructed me to, and lifted it to my ear.

"Yeah, what?" I replied lazily, taking a seat and leaning my spare elbow on the counter.

"Is that anyway to speak to your only aunt Bella?" my aunt's soft voice greeted me.

"Kate!" I gasped in surprise, thrilled to hear from her. "I'm sorry I didn't expect it to be you ringing… speaking of 'how exactly did you get my number?"

"Alice sent it to me" – _of course- _"I knew you were working so thought it would be nice for you to speak to someone while you are." She replied.

I smiled, and began to change the subject- "Yes it is nice…." I trailed off as the door to the cafe swung open and someone walked in.

My attention immediately diverted from my phone conversation to the gorgeous man who was now walking towards the counter where I was standing.

"So any plans with your friends?" Kate asked me cheerfully.

At that moment the mystery mans green eyes lifted up to meet my own, and I found myself speechless- "Erm… not many…" I stuttered, finding myself unable to concentrate on what I was saying.

Angela approached the counter and asked the man what he wanted to drink, causing his eyes to leave my own momentarily, which gave me the chance to gain my normal thoughts back.

"Why not?" Kate asked in confusion.

He looked up at me again, and I found that I had to turn away from him for a moment so I could finish up this conversation quick without sounding like a dumbstruck idiot.

I took a moment to think about my response, "Kate it's only my 22nd birthday… nothing special. I'm guessing they'll all drag me out for a couple of drinks or Alice will take me shopping or something." I told her, cringing at the thought of the last part.

"Okay that sounds like fun… listen darling I have to go, but I'll call you later, what time do you finish?" she asked me.

"Two," I replied automatically.

I finished the phone call with Kate and then got back to work, I felt bad for not really focusing on the conversation with her – she had been the closest thing I had to a mother for the past few years after all – but I couldn't help it. I had never been like this before… sure I had seen my fair share of attractive men, but I had never found myself speechless like this. It was just something about those green eyes…

"Bella, could you take these to table two please?" Angela asked me quietly; completely unaware of the thoughts she had just interrupted me from.

I finally got back into focus, smiling at my best work friend, taking the tray from her and to the table she said. It was then that I noticed that he was sitting at a table in the far corner- he was looking down at his coffee, and seemed completely lost in thought about something.

I decided to just focus on my job- starting with the customers who had just entered that were waiting to be served. There was no point in me falling apart just because some insanely gorgeous guy was just twenty-foot away from me…

_Calm down, Bella. _

And so, I set to work, secretly hoping that time would pass quickly… my birthday would be nearer to being over that way. As I worked I noted to myself that I hadn't gotten a phone call from Charlie yet… even though we didn't speak anymore he would always at least leave a message, always saying the same the three words…

'_Happy birthday, Bells.'_

I really miss my dad… but that's just another story for another time isn't it? Besides it's pretty much in the past…

Still, I couldn't help but stare at my phone, wondering if Alice had given him my cell number- knowing her she probably would have – which means that I could get the message any time right now.

I tried to get to my voicemail to check if I had any, but found that even more confusing- I somehow ended up mixing up the settings… heck I didn't even understand what I had done!

Just as I was about to smash the stupid phone to pieces, a soft voice spoke from beside me- "That phones not going to bite you, you know."

I jumped at the unexpected words, not even knowing that anyone was there. I whirled round to see that he was there, in the same position as before, standing on the other side of the counter… the mystery man from earlier.

And he… _he_ was talking to _me._

I wasn't expecting this, and desperately tried to act calm, even though deep down my heart was racing. "You can't be sure," I murmured, my voice shaking only slightly- "…technology's not exactly been my 'best friend' in the past."

To my surprise he laughed, "I would hate to know who your enemy was then," he muttered, before leaning over the counter slightly. "… What was it you were trying to do?" he asked curiously.

"Check my voicemail," I blushed.

The corner of his mouth lifted slightly, "do you want some help?" he asked kindly.

My eyes widened slightly, "S-Sure…" I replied, still completely surprised that this was happening.

I know that if Alice or Rosalie were here that they would be cursing me for the way I was acting… but the reality of the situation was that they weren't here, they didn't know that this was happening…

It was just me... and him.

I handed the phone over to him and he smiled at me before frowning when he glanced at the screen, clearly confused as to how I got it in such a mess. He began pressing some of the buttons and fiddling with it.

It wasn't even thirty seconds later that he finished. "Here you go," he whispered, lifting it and placing it to my ear. I blushed as I felt his warm skin gently brush my jaw, and shakily took hold of the phone, while keeping it against my ear. It rung once and then there was someone telling me that I had no new messages.

_I should have expected that. _

I looked back at him to see that he was frowning, "Were you expecting something important?" he asked quietly.

"Erm… no…" I lied, before smiling sincerely at him- "Thank you for that though… I'm sure the phone would have been in pieces by now if you hadn't come along."

He laughed quietly, "It's no problem… I couldn't let something like that go to waste. I happen to be a lover of modern technology," he told me, a slight smirk on his face.

I rolled my eyes playfully, "Ugh, you too?"

He grinned, "Yep," he replied, before pausing, seeming to examine me... like he was trying to figure out if he knew me from anywhere. "Do you live local?" he eventually asked.

"Yeah… I live near the local college," I replied.

"Do you go there?" he asked again.

I smiled slightly at his expression- he looked so focused on everything I was saying… "Yeah… I'm in my final year," I told him.

His eyes widened in surprise, "Seriously? I graduated a year ago… its weird that I haven't seen you around before." He mused, seeming almost sad as he spoke.

_Sad? No… I must be imagining that part. _

Although, I was genuinely surprised too, and disappointed that I had to wait until now to meet him. "It is…" I murmured sadly, before finding an opportunity to ask him some questions- "So what do you do now?" I asked him.

At my question he seemed deep in thought, "I used to have a job at the newspaper, but had to quit recently," he frowned slightly.

I also frowned at the sight of seeing him upset, "How come…?" I asked curiously.

He shook his head, his expression still slightly sad. "It's… nothing. Personal reasons," he shrugged, before looking back up at me, the sweet smile back in place- "So… do I get the pleasure of knowing your name?"

I smiled back at him, "If I get yours in return," I teased in response.

He laughed quietly, "Okay…" he murmured, "I'm Edward Cullen… you?"

"Bella Swan," I replied in the same tone as him.

He grinned, "Well…" he replied, lifting my hand which was placed on the counter up to his lips to kiss it, "… its very nice to meet you, Bella."

I blushed at the sweet action, almost certain that what he was doing would be considered as flirting with me. I also knew that I was acting on impulse right now… this certainly wasn't the time for my shyness to take over, to make me want to cower away. It would be such a waste to turn away from this… besides the more I spoke to him, the easier it was. I felt that I didn't care so much… I just wanted to talk to him, to find out everything that I could in the time I had.

I noticed then that he was still looking at me, a smile on his face due to my expression. He squeezed my hand, which was still in his, and then leant towards me again.

"Oh and Bella…?" he whispered softly, "Happy birthday by the way."

***~*~***

After that day I honestly thought I would never see him again… I sometimes wondered if he was just a dream- someone that I had managed to conjure up in my mind.

But I knew that wasn't the case… I wasn't creative enough to make up someone like him. And so I carried on as normal- I got my message from Charlie at 11pm that same day, and then spent the next day shopping with Alice despite my hesitation. And then went on with college, trying to focus on my classes and not on daydreaming about him.

I kept telling myself to forget about it all… I truly believed I would never see those green eyes staring at me in such a tender way. And that I would never hear that soft, velvet voice speaking only to me…

And that thought was devastating. I ended up becoming even more depressed then before all of this happened… I knew that Alice suspected something was going on, but surprisingly she never said anything.

But then… just five days after my birthday… he came back.

He spent an hour sitting at the counter talking to me in between customers, the conversation ranging from what we studied at college, to childhood pets (or rather, the lack of in my case,) and what countries we would like to visit.

And then he kept coming back- every single day that I was working. And we would repeat the routine.

He quickly became a good friend, but I knew that we were definitely heading towards more then that… I was definitely attracted to him- the attraction was only intensified by our playful, flirty banter that we made everytime we talked. He kept taking me by surprise too… he would hold my hand whenever he could, rubbing his thumb over my palm and wrist, and would even occasionally kiss my cheek or forehead. And every time he did that I could literally feel my heart stutter and the heat rush to my cheeks… I was certain that he knew of the affect he had on me. He would always smile softly and then continue talking gently to me, the smile still clear in his voice.

He made me happy whenever he was around… and for once I felt like there was something truly good to go to work for, like it was actually worth getting up in the morning now. I was also excited for where we were heading… I knew that he was single and I actually anticipated the day that would he ask if I wanted to meet up outside of the café for a date.

But then… everything changed.

One day he didn't come in, and then didn't for the next few days following that… I awaited his return, assuming he was just sick or something like that.

And then, he came back. But he was different… cold even; he wasn't the Edward I knew. Gone were the smiles and light conversation, and instead with it came a miserable, lifeless expression… and no conversation anymore.

He basically ignored me and then went to sit back at the table in the far corner, staring down at his coffee as if he hated it… as if he hated everything around him.

… As if he hated me.

I held back the tears until I was around the back, completely hidden out of sight... it was only then that I allowed them to fall, stinging my cold cheeks.

_He didn't want to know me anymore. _

I should of known that it was going to happen, but I had gotten my hopes up somehow. I actually ended up believing that someone as incredible as him might actually consider being with someone as plain and boring as me. And that hope only made the pain feel even worse… because I had seen what life could be like if I had someone who cared for me in that way.

I had been blind… completely wrong.

At that point I didn't know the real reason behind Edward's coldness- if I had then I certainly would have reacted differently to all of this. But back in that moment I just thought that it was because he had seen how normal I was and didn't feel interested anymore.

_How wrong I was…_

_***~*~***_

"_No it's my fault but I want to have it all with you.  
__Yeah, yeah again,  
__You…_

_I don't recommend it; it could be a bad habit,  
__I don't love the way you make me feel.  
__Just like I know you better then do,  
__That's the trick you play on me._

_You taste so sweet and I can't wait to meet with you…  
__Again… you…" _

_***~*~***_

A week passed and it was now early October- the eighth to be exact, and it was coincidentally one of my favourite months. I wrapped my coat tighter around me as I walked the through the busy Seattle streets heading to the café.

As I walked, I flicked through my songs on my I-pod and smiled when _Fallout_ by _Sofi Bonde_ came on. How appropriate the lyrics felt lately…

I listened to the song and leant against the counter, Edward was here again… he had been here everyday this week. And despite the pain I felt seeing him act the way he did to me I couldn't help but watch him as he always sat alone. I couldn't believe the contrast to the Edward I had gotten to know and the one I was seeing now.

Aside from the personality side, there was also how a substancial difference in the way he looked… it was upsetting. For starters he always seemed to look tired, and had purple shadows under his eyes. The green in them just didn't seem to hold their sparkle as they used to have.

I began to realise that there must have been a reason for his sudden coldness towards me- because it had affected him in every possible way. He wasn't just being cold to me, but to everything and everyone around him.

And I also began to get annoyed… how dare he suddenly cut me out without a word! … Even _if_ he _had_ gotten bored of me, he could have at least given me a hint instead of just acting so suddenly.

It was in that single moment that I vowed that I would find out more about him… and what was making him so sad.

Now all I had to do was gain the confidence to try.

_*~*~*_

It was a Friday afternoon that I finally decided that today would be the day… I wouldn't back out of this, not until I had the truth or some sort of explanation.

I knew I wouldn't rest until I did, so I finished my shift, grabbed my coat and waited… my patience paid off in the end as Edward eventually left his regular seat and walked out of the café, not looking up at anyone as he passed.

He was completely unaware that I was following him, and it wasn't until we got out on to the streets that I finally alerted him of my presence.

"Hey, Edward!" I called, causing him to stop and glance over his shoulder. I ran up to him, mustering the best glare I could in the situation- "what's with the silent treatment huh? Did I do something wrong?" I asked him, blinking some of the water from my eyes caused by the rain that was now beginning to fall.

He looked away from me, "Not now, Bella…" he sighed, his expression still cold.

"No, I want an explanation now!" I snapped, "why do you think its okay to act like a best friend one minute and then my enemy the next? I mean honestly… what in the world have I done wrong?" I asked, throwing my hands in the air out of frustration.

He looked down at me again, emotion suddenly showing across his face again. "Bella, you've done nothing wrong," he murmured, his expression sincere, "I just… I think it would be best if we weren't friends," he told me.

"Why?" I asked, still not backing down on any of this.

He shook his head, closing his eyes, "You don't want a friend like me," he murmured, his voice and expression sad.

Now that I was surprised about, I expected him to say the opposite- that he didn't want a friend like me. I was also shocked… had I ever given any indication that I didn't want to know him? I was certain that I hadn't.

"W-Why would you think that?" I stuttered, "Edward I really care about you, why do you-"

He cut me off, "Because… I'm not good for you Bella," he whispered quietly.

"What are you talking about… of course you are… you're... _you!"_ I gasped, waving my hands at him. "You make me smile and laugh… you're…"

"Not who you think I am," he cut me off again.

I was growing desperate- now I knew part of his reasoning I desperately didn't want to lose him. "Please…" I whispered, "_please_ don't shut me out."

As I begged his expression suddenly became heartbreaking, as if he was finally realising how much he had upset me. "Oh Bella…" he murmured, reaching down to brush some hair out of my face. "I really didn't mean to hurt you like this… god, I hate hurting you." He whispered, running his hands gently over my cheeks.

"Then stop… please just talk to me again… just…" I begged.

He shook his head, as if agonised- "It's not that I don't want to know you Bella, I really care about you too…"

"Then why are you cutting me out?" I interrupted him.

He sighed, cupping my face tighter in his hands. "I don't know," he eventually whispered, before sighing- "I mean I do… I just can't tell you yet," he groaned in frustration.

I reached up to touch one of his hands that were still on my cheek. "I can accept that really," I promised him, just desperate for this to work out. "… And whatever it is that's caused you to act like this… I don't care." I told him sincerely, "I just want you in my life somehow…"

"I do too," he murmured, his eyes suddenly widening as if he had realised something important. "Oh Bella, I'm so sorry," he gasped, before taking me by surprise and pulling me into a tight hug.

Despite my shock, I held him tightly in response, completely elated by what had happened… and by the fact that he really cared about me. I still didn't know what had really caused to cause all of this… but for now that didn't matter.

But I knew that I would find out the truth no matter what… even if it was the last thing that I did.

***~*~***

Edward invited me over to his apartment a couple of days later; it was something that surprised me, though I did make sure to not take it too seriously… I had gotten my hopes up about a date before and that fell flat. And I was certain that this time around it was going to be the same sort of thing.

When I got there I was amazed by it… clearly Edward was from a wealthy family, because the size and style of it… it seemed like the sort of place that a celebrity would live, not a just graduated college student.

I turned around to tell him how amazed I was to see a sad, almost longing expression on his face as he looked at me.

"Are you okay?" I asked worriedly, walking up to him.

He looked at me surprised, "Y-Yeah fine, sorry about that," he murmured, smiling at me- the previous expression completely gone from his face.

"Okay…" I murmured, not completely believing him but deciding to drop the subject anyway. "So what do you want to do?" I asked, hoping to distract him.

He thought for a moment and then reached out and took my hand in his, "Tell me about yourself… please," he begged me quietly.

I didn't know what was going through his mind, but knew there was no way I could say no to a question like that. I would do anything for him… anything to make him happy.

And so, we spent the afternoon next to eachother on the couch, with me telling him everything about myself, truly anything he asked… I would tell. I found myself so able to open up to him… I even told him things that no one else knew, not Alice or any of my other friends.

But as the questions he asked became even more personal, I finally decided that enough was enough- I wanted, no _needed_ to find out more about him. "What are your parents like?" I asked him curiously.

He smiled softly as he leaned over and ran his fingers through my hair, "they're two of the kindest people I know," he admitted.

"Really?" I whispered softly, smiling at him.

He nodded, "I've always been close to them, especially with being an only child and all…" he paused for a moment, "I looked up to them as a child, and still do… my father Carlisle's a doctor and I always admired him for that."

I nodded, "So you keep in close contact with them?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I do," he replied quietly, glancing out of the window, seemingly deep in thought.

I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder, "that must be really nice," I whispered quietly.

"Hmm, it is," he replied softly, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "What are yours like?"

I sighed, berating myself for not realising that asking him a question about his parents would end up directed back at me. I hadn't really thought about what had happened in a long time…

"I wouldn't really know," I murmured, leaning away from him slightly. "… I haven't seen either of them in years."

"How come?" he asked, rubbing my back softly.

I sighed, preparing how I was going to word the story. I hoped that being honest with Edward would lead to him being honest back with me… so I could find out what was upsetting him so much.

And so I closed my eyes, "I loved my parents, I knew that we weren't the picture perfect family… but it didn't matter," I began explaining, "But when I turned fifteen it all changed. My mom fell ill and got diagnosed with cancer… breast cancer." I paused, remembering everything so clearly in my head… how she began to fade away in front of me, the pain she went through. I felt Edward hold me to him tighter and his lips press against my hair.

And that was all the encouragement I needed, so I continued- "She died when I was seventeen, during the summer between my junior and senior year. My dad Charlie and I didn't really cope well… actually that's an understatement. For a while it's like we barely survived… especially my dad." I paused again to wipe away the tears only for Edward to do it for me, his thumbs gently brushing my cheeks.

"I spent my whole senior year taking care of him, making sure he wouldn't go down the same route as my mom, but it got really hard. We began arguing all the time… especially when I told him that I wanted to go to college after all, because it was what Renee wanted for me. He seemed to think that it was my way of forgetting her… he hated that I was leaving him too. I actually felt so guilty for it… but something told me to come here anyway. I thought he would get better… only…" I trailed off.

"Only what Bella?" Edward whispered holding me to him, "Its okay," he soothed me.

I shook my head; "It's not though… I haven't seen him since I left that September over three years ago, we haven't spoken in over a year… things just got worse, and soon I couldn't find it in me to call him… it just hurt so much to hear the pain in his voice." I shuddered as I remembered it all.

"It's funny… I never thought when I was younger that I would miss him this much you know? Its almost as bad as when my mom died… but I don't see us ever solving this… its too far gone now." I sighed, finishing my story.

"It's never too late," Edward whispered, kissing my hair. "You're so brave you know… for everything you went through and for being so strong now, it's amazing." He whispered sweetly.

I shook my head against his chest; "It's hardly amazing…" I trailed off.

"It is," he argued back.

It was silent for a while and then we eventually went back into light conversation, though it seemed like Edward was deep in thought again. I considered asking him for the truth right then but then decided against it… I knew that we'd had enough sadness for today.

So I began telling him about some of my clumsier moments, and the horrors of shopping with Alice, which definitely worked on making him happier.

"So she actually dragged you by the hair?!" he laughed as I recalled the events following my birthday.

I laughed along with him, "Yeah… I swear that girl is _insane_ when it comes to shopping, but me? I hate it," I told him with a smile.

He shook his head; "I've never met a girl who hates shopping before," he murmured.

"Until now," I cut in.

"Yeah… until now," he paused, taking a deep breath as he lifted a hand to my cheek again. His expression and voice were thoughtful as he spoke- "it seems so unfair, why did I have to wait so long to meet someone like you?"

I smiled at him though my heart was racing- when did our newly returned friendship get so intense again?

I knew I had to reassure him that I was thinking similar thoughts to his. "Well you know me now," I eventually murmured, staring into his eyes as I spoke. "And I'm not going anywhere… I'll _never_ leave you."

***~*~***

And things continued to progress from there- he came to the café to visit me everyday, and then most afternoons following that we would end up at his apartment or having lunch somewhere. We spent all the time talking, getting to know eachother, and it was for lack of a better term… perfect.

And as the weeks passed I forgot about Edward's secret… because it didn't seem like there was one at all. He was the happiest I had ever known him as, and even though he still looked pale and tired I assumed that he was okay.

Today was the last day in October, we had now spent three weeks in our routine until Edward told me that today he wanted to take me somewhere different.

I knew that what happened today would be the turning point in our relationship… I would finally find out how he really felt about me. Because even though I had always told myself to be careful, and not to fall in love too easily… it had happened without me even realising it.

I loved Edward… and today I was going to tell him.

Alice and Rosalie realising that something was different with me lately and guessed it was down to a guy. I had no choice but to explain and even though I didn't tell them all the details about Edward and me I did give the general idea. Needless to say they were both very excited and encouraged me to just go for it, I _'only have one life and need to live'_ was what I think they had said.

And so… I was taking their advice. After all I had spent so long alone, thinking that I would never find anyone so now that I actually did… I had to take a risk and find out how he felt.

… Now I just hoped that he felt the same.

***~*~***

Edward held my glove-covered hand tightly in his own as he pulled me gently through the trees, leading us towards this hidden destination he had for us.

He kept talking softly, his voice tender- "I've never shown this place to anyone… this is where I always come to think, or to just be by myself."

"But now you're sharing it with me?" I asked him quietly.

He looked back at me with a soft smile on his face, "Yeah, theres no one else I would want to share it with after all," he replied, squeezing my hand gently.

I smiled to myself, secretly feeling more optimistic then before. We continued to walk further into the forest and I gradually became afraid that we would get lose where we were… until I noticed that we were following a flattened, marked out trail.

I sighed in relief, squeezing Edward's hand- really, I should have known that he wouldn't get us lost, he knew exactly where we were going. But I couldn't help but be a little nervous… it was in my nature.

It was currently the middle of the day but the forest was so thick that not much light made it through, but as the birds sung up in the trees and I clutched onto Edward tighter I knew that there was nowhere I would rather be.

He in return, pulled me closer to his side to whisper in my ear. "Do you hear that?" he murmured, "… the waves? Can you smell the salt in the air?"

I closed my eyes and allowed my senses to take over and he was right of course, I grinned even wider and picked up my pace now having a good idea of where we are heading.

"Yeah… I can," I whispered.

We continued to pick up the pace until before my eyes the forest began to get lighter and then a flash of blue caught my eye. Edward pulled me gently through the rest of the trees for me to finally reveal that we were on a cliff's edge, overlooking an incredible, vast stretch of ocean.

Everything around me was a brilliant blue… the sky, the water… it was beautiful. I closed my eyes, breathing in the fresh air, feeling the wind whip around my face.

I felt Edward step up behind me. "What do you think?" he whispered in my ear.

I turned to face him, an excited smile on my face. "I think its incredible… thank you," I told him gently. "Thank you for sharing this with me."

He smiled at me, brushing several strands of hair out of my face. "You're welcome," he murmured, before that thoughtful expression returned to his face.

He suddenly looked past me, his attention on the beautiful water behind us. "I never planned for this to happen…" he whispered, "I've spent so long living alone with no one in my life but my parents and that's always seemed like enough for me. But you know what? It's not…" he paused for a moment, reaching to grab my hand.

"… Because ever since I met you I finally feel like my life has meaning, and even though I've tried to fight it, hell I even made the mistake of trying to cut you out of my life at one point! But I can't hold it back anymore, I bought you here today to tell you something…" he paused again, looking into my eyes before taking the leap of faith.

Was he going to say what I thought…?

He smiled sweetly at me; "I love you, Bella… I'm sorry that I'm not better for you and can't tell you the truth yet, but its honestly how I feel," he placed his hand on my cheek. "I'm so in love with you."

_Oh… wow._

I was speechless, but knew I had say something… _anything._ "I-I never thought I would hear you say that," I whispered, tears beginning to run down my cheeks. I had been anticipating this moment for so long, "I love you too, Edward. So, so much…"

I was cut off by his lips suddenly crashing into mine, I was completely frozen from shock for a moment before responding eagerly, still not believing that this was actually happening.

_If this is a dream… please don't ever wake me up. _

I lifted my arms and wrapped them around his neck while his went to my waist holding me against him. The kiss was soft and sweet but then turned into something more as he deepened it.

_Oh right… definitely not a dream._

"I love you," he whispered against my lips.

I laughed out of sheer joy, as he began kissing down my cheek to my jaw. "I love you too," I replied.

He lifted me up into his arms, spinning us round a couple of times before we resumed the kiss, smiling the entire time. We both repeatedly whispered how we loved each other, seeming like we couldn't actually believe this was happening.

I know that I couldn't… this day had gone even better then I could have hoped, it was perfect- finally I had someone who loved me. And he just happened to be the most amazing, beautiful, kind man I had ever known.

I was the happiest I had ever been, and Edward was too… but little did I know just how much his secret was about to affect him and me too.

And it was set to tear us apart, in the most devastating, heartbreaking way…

* * *

**_To be continued.._**

**Let me know what you think! Next chapter will be up really soon if people like it! **

**Thanks for reading! Emma.x**


	2. Down

**A/N- Hii, thanks for the reviews and alerts/favourites... it always surprises me when I find that people are reading what I'm writing :D So thank you!**

**I know some people are put off by there not being a happy ending... but trust me, it wont be unhappy! I would never write a really sad one, sure we all know whats going to happen, the summary says it all... but I am a fan of happy endings too. **

**So yeah, here's the second chapter... please _review_... and let me know what you think!**

* * *

"_I don't know where I'm at  
__I'm standing at the back  
__And I'm tired of waiting  
__Waiting here in line, hoping that I'll find what I've been chasing._

_I shot for the sky  
__I'm stuck on the ground  
__So why do I try, I know I'm going to fall down  
__I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?  
__Never know why it's coming down, down, down._

_Not ready to let go  
__Cause then I'd never know  
__That I could be missing  
__I'm missing way too much  
__So when do I give up what I've been wishing for."_

**~ SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL ~**

**~ CHAPTER TWO ~**

Time passed blissfully, and I found myself wondering how I was ever happy at all without Edward. It seemed ridiculous, but from feeling what I felt around him made me realise what I had been missing out on for twenty-two years.

And yet I wouldn't have it any other way. As cheesy as it may sound, I knew that without hesitation I would wait another twenty-two years if I knew it would lead to Edward.

Ever since that day by the cliffs we had made it official- I could finally call him my boyfriend. Though I didn't tend to use that term often… it didn't seem like enough somehow. To me he was my everything… I had spent so long resentful because I didn't have anyone and now I know why that was- I was waiting for Edward.

I didn't know it at the time, but it's the truth. He was my missing piece, my other half… I had only known him for four and a half months and we had only been together for just over three of them… but I just knew he was the one.

It was January now- the start of the year 2008, and I had a good feeling that this was going to be an important year for me. If nothing else I knew I was going to be happy at least.

Edward and I spent most of our time at his apartment just with each other, though we would occasionally venture out into the city or with my friends… needless to say they all really liked Edward and he fit into our group well.

Admittedly, it was really nice to not be a fifth wheel anymore… finally I could be in one of the couples, enjoying both the company of my friends and my boyfriend.

Needless to say Alice was thrilled about me finding Edward- and even though me and her lived together and saw eachother all the time she still insisted on us spending one day a week just for us two to hang out. Which meant that I always had to spend one day a week apart from Edward… but also meant that I got one day with my best friend, just like the old days.

I guess I couldn't complain about anything now… my life was the best it had ever been.

College was also going great- I had begun preparing my applications for medical school now. It had always been a dream of mine to become a doctor and I didn't see why I couldn't just go for it now I was getting good enough grades… there was a good medical school in Seattle, which would mean that I could stay near Edward.

I had also met Edward's parents recently, and was surprised to find out that Edward's father Carlisle was an oncologist- I knew that he was a doctor because Edward had mentioned it, but I didn't know that he specialised in cancer treatments. All the things he told me were fascinating, and definitely made me reconsider what medical path I wanted to go into. Esme in comparison was an interior designer-, which certainly succeeded in explaining why Edward's apartment looked like it was straight out of a magazine.

Christmas had passed nicely- because for once I didn't have to spend it alone. I went to Carlisle and Esme's house with Edward where I honestly felt like I had a normal family Christmas. Both Esme and Carlisle were amazing people but I couldn't help but notice how over-protective they were of Edward, as they constantly asked if he was okay, and felt well.

… But I didn't think it suspicious at the time. All my worries over Edward's secret had been long pushed to the back of my mind, and I just enjoyed every second I had with him- all worries pushed aside.

_I didn't know then just how worrying and frightening things would get so soon. _

As I watched the three of them I couldn't help but feel slightly envious seeing the relationships in front of me… it reminded me of when I was younger- the days that had long passed by now. I couldn't help but wonder what Renee would think if she saw me now… would she be proud of me because of the possibility of medical school? Would she be pleased because I was the happiest I had ever been- because I had my best friends and Edward…?

Or… would she be angry with me because I hadn't even attempted to contact Charlie over the holidays?!

I shook that thought away- there was nothing that could be done now.

And so I finally came out of my thoughts and back into reality which was a Friday evening, in mid January- aka a day with my best friend Alice. I hadn't seen Edward in a couple of days, he'd called me on Wednesday telling me he had to go to his parents for a while and that he'd be back by the weekend.

… But I hadn't heard from him since then.

I tried not to think about it- he was probably seeing relatives, spending time with them as he rightfully should… I knew he would contact me soon like he always did.

Alice and I were currently half watching _Bride wars_, while talking about Alice's upcoming wedding in the process… that was another good thing that had happened lately. On Christmas eve Jasper had finally proposed to Alice's extreme joy and they are now planning to get married in the Spring, around April time. Alice had asked me to be her Maid of honor and there was no way I was going to refuse that.

Though it did mean I could end up caught in all the wedding planning, which could only be crazy as its Alice's wedding were talking about…

I was pulled out of that thought by my phone, which was vibrating in my pocket, it was still the same phone that Alice had gotten me. I had somehow managed to not break it in the time I had it, and now knew how to work it… mainly thanks to Edward of course.

I pulled my phone out my pocket to see _'Edward calling'_ was flashing across the screen. I smiled and told Alice I quickly needed to take the call, and ran out of the room pressing the answer button.

"Hi! How are you?" I asked him, resisting the urge to just squeal down the phone at the prospect of talking to him again.

But it wasn't Edwards voice that spoke, "Hi, this is Bella right?" a soft voice spoke, which I recognised as Carlisle.

I frowned, confused as to why Carlisle would be calling me from Edward's phone. "Yeah, why?" I asked.

I heard him sigh sadly, "Bella, try not to panic okay," he spoke soothingly, but with panic in his voice- "but you need to come to the hospital now."

Instantly my mind panicked over the possibilities as to why I needed to go there. "Why, what's happened? Are you and Esme okay?" I asked in a rush, only saying their names for a reason- I wasn't able to say _his_ name, to consider the possibility that something terrible had happened to him.

And then Carlisle confirmed my worst fears as he quietly whispered- "its Edward."

***~*~***

It was half an hour later that Carlisle met me at the entrance of the hospital- I had insisted on coming here alone, telling Alice I would call her later with any details. Carlisle told me that he needed to talk to me alone first and that Esme was with Edward. I was originally unsure about talking to Carlisle- I desperately wanted to see if Edward was okay, but when Carlisle told me it was urgent I knew I didn't really have a choice.

We walked up to the oncology ward and I tried not to panic as I saw all the seriously ill people around me… this was the ward that Carlisle walked on, he was probably just taking me to his office which was based here.

… Which he did.

I let out a small sigh of relief but then cut it off immediately as I caught sight of Carlisle's face as he sat down in front of me… it was utterly heartbreaking, he looked helpless… lost even.

"What's wrong?" I frowned, "Is Edward going to be okay?" I asked shakily, my mind once again considering all the possibilities.

Carlisle shook his head sadly, some of his blonde hair falling into his face. "No… he's not," he murmured, "He's caught the flu."

I frowned in confusion- was that really a bad thing, out of all the terrible things that could have happened? "The flu? I had that a few weeks ago and was okay… surely it can't be that serious?" I asked him.

Carlisle looked up at me- surprise and horror evident in his features. "Wait, he hasn't told you?" He gasped.

"Told me what?" I asked, still completely confused.

I watched in horror as Carlisle's eyes slowly filled with tears and was just about to ask what was wrong when he began talking. "He promised he would tell you himself…" he sighed sadly, shaking his head. "… I guess I have no choice but to do it for him."

He reached over and took my hands in his comfortingly though that did little to relax me- my heart was nearly hammering out of my chest due to the fear for what he was going to say next.

"Bella… Edward's very sick," he began explaining, almost in the same tone a child would be spoken to. "And he's only going to get worse…"

I interrupted him quickly, "Just tell me what's wrong with him… _please_," I begged.

Carlisle looked extremely hesitant, and then spoke three heartbreaking words; "Edward's got leukaemia."

I gasped, my eyes widening in horror. "Leukae- … but that's cancer isn't it?" I asked in disbelief, not even waiting for a response before talking again- "No… he can't have that, he would have told me!" I yelled, before a question came to mind- "How long has he known?"

"Five years," Carlisle replied instantly.

My mouth fell open in shock, "F-Five years…" I stuttered out, before snatching my hands out of Carlisle's and using them to cover my mouth- I felt like I was going to be horribly sick.

It was then that everything clicked, and that everything made sense… this… his cancer was his secret he didn't tell me, the reason why he thought he was no good, it was why his parents were so protective, why he had to quit his job...

"I feel so stupid," I gasped, my eyes filling with tears. "I can't believe I didn't realise he was sick!"

Carlisle moved to the seat beside me and began rubbing my back gently, "You're not stupid Bella, until a couple of days ago he seemed perfectly healthy- _anyone_ could believe he was fine," he murmured.

I looked up at Carlisle, and somehow managed to blink the tears in my eyes away. "Why didn't he tell me?" I asked sadly, feeling incredibly hurt that Edward didn't want to tell me the truth.

Carlisle sighed, running his hands through his hair. "You'll have to talk to him about that… I'm sure he has his reasons."

I nodded, and swallowed hard, "I'm sure he does." I repeated before clearing my throat softly, "So… is it serious? What kind of treatments is he going to need?" I asked Carlisle worriedly.

He sighed gently, almost as if he was going to break at any moment. "I really didn't want to tell you this… but theres nothing that can be done anymore," he told me sadly, a single tear falling down his pale cheek.

My heart felt like it had stopped, "W-What do you mean?" I asked shakily.

Carlisle turned to look at the picture of a younger Edward he had on his desk as he spoke with an ancient sadness, "He's had this disease for years now Bella, and a few months ago we realised that nothing was working on him anymore." He paused for a moment before speaking the words I feared… the words that literally shattered my heart into a million pieces-

"It's terminal, Bella. Edward… is dying."

***~*~***

"_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry  
__You don't know how lovely you are.  
__I had to find you, tell you I need you,  
__Tell you I set you apart._

_Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,  
__Oh lets go back to the start. Running in circles,  
__Comin' in tails  
Heads on a science apart._

_Nobody said it was easy,  
__It's such a shame for us to part.  
__Nobody said it was easy,  
__No one ever said it would be this hard._

_Oh take me back to the start."_

***~*~***

The sirens were loud outside, but apart from that there was no sound, save for the continuous beeping of the machine that was currently monitoring Edward.

The sound of it was frightening- I kept feeling like my own heart was stopping in between each steady beep it made, simply because I was frightened of the sound not recurring and therefore stopping, telling me he was gone.

I had been here for hours now, having eventually convinced the nurses to let me stay with him. They were afraid that the flu would turn to pneumonia in which that case it would mean…

No, I couldn't even say the word in my mind let alone out loud yet.

I knew the full story now, having heard it from Esme when I first came to find Edward.

It was simple enough… he was diagnosed when he had just turned eighteen, and insisted on attending college despite his treatments. After years of fighting he finally got into remission when he was twenty-one, which meant that his hair and grown back, he'd put weight back on, and was able to graduate and work for a while. But then June last year came around and Edward got into an accident- simply hitting his head on a door, and found that the bleeding wouldn't stop. He went back in for tests and doctors tried some treatments such as a bone marrow transplant, but found that it had come back with a vengeance… and he was diagnosed with a very rare type of _B-Cell Chronic Lymphocytic leukaemia_. It wasn't treatable anymore- most people survive up to five years with it, and Edward had fought it for that long already.

But now after so long fighting he just didn't have a strong immune system anymore, so any slight illness could kill him. Hence Carlisle's panic over him catching the flu. He had told me Edward would be okay for now because they had bought him in on time and it was only a mild type of the flu… but what next? What happens if he just slips and falls over? Or catches a bad cold or sickness bug?

The fear I felt was the most horrible feeling… but the rest of me just felt numb. I had called Alice earlier to tell her not to worry and that I would be back in a day or so… I'm not sure if she completely believed me, but she had no choice. I just couldn't tell her the truth yet. I needed to talk to Edward first.

Unable to support myself anymore due to fatigue, I laid my head on his bed, holding his hand to my face- being careful of the wires and the IV he was attached to. I waited patiently for sleep to overcome me, but gradually discovered that it was impossible.

I was too afraid to fall asleep, and knew that I always would be afraid to from now on. The fear that he wouldn't wake up when I did was overpowering…

And so I continued to watch him.

The night continued to drag, and soon it was midnight. The clock on the wall made no sound but the same three words kept repeating in my head, like seconds on a clock passing-

_Cancer._

_Tumour. _

_Terminal._

I wondered how had I not seen the signs before now… sure, I had always known deep down that something was wrong, but it never registered that it could be something like this- not once did my mind even consider the possibility.

… The possibility that he could leave me soon.

_NO! _My mind screamed, _he has to get better… he will get better… I know it._

I had my eyes closed but didn't dream, so I was immediately aware of the soft warm hand when I felt it squeezing my own. I immediately looked up to see Edward looking at me- his green eyes tired and worn with purple circles under them.

His eyes widened slightly when they saw my appearance before becoming somewhat lifeless.

I cleared my throat, "Hey…" I murmured, moving myself so I was sitting on the edge of his bed. "How are you feeling?"

He shrugged, "Okay."

I smiled down at him and gently brushed my hand through his hair, trying to soothe him despite the whirlwind of devastation going through my mind. I didn't fail to notice how my hand shook as it moved though, and apparently Edward noticed to as he frowned slightly at me.

He thought for a little while, "Did anyone tell you?" he whispered.

"About your can-" I paused, finding myself unable to say the word aloud, it would mean confirmation. "-Your… _illness_? Yes, your father had to."

He closed his eyes slowly as if it pained him, "I'm sorry."

"What are you apologising for?" I asked sadly.

He looked up at me, "for not being normal, for not warning you… for _everything._"

I blinked away the tears at his comment, and continued running my hands through his hair while he looked out of the window an anguished expression covering his face. I wanted to say many things, to soothe him, to promise I would always be there…

But I couldn't find the words.

My voice came out as a small whisper as one question suddenly came to mind-"Why didn't you tell me before?"

He sighed sadly, "I don't know… I guess I just didn't want to admit that I'm losing to this. I wanted to just forget about it and pretend to be normal, so I could savour my time with you."

I almost felt like smiling at his sweet words, but found it really was impossible.

I tried to make my voice strong as I spoke, "I just refuse to believe that you can't fight this… medicine is good these days, there must be something…"

"Bella, theres nothing anyone could do," Edward interrupted me gently.

I continued like I hadn't heard him- "What about your dad? He's a great doctor maybe he could find some cure…" I murmured, moving back down to the chair, knowing I was too tired to focus on sitting up.

Edward reached for my hand, and when he found it, he squeezed it softly- "He's tried everything that's possible Bella, I've only gone on this long because of him,"

Feeling both physically and mentally exhausted I rested my head on the bed- "But…"

"…Theres nothing more he or anyone can do." Edward finished the sentence for me.

I closed my eyes to try and stop the flow of tears, "I refuse to believe that, Someone out there must be able to help you…" I told him quietly, my voice sounding weak.

He didn't say anything, but with his free hand he began slowly running his fingers through my hair.

"You can fight this Edward, don't let it beat you," I whispered.

His voice was agonised, "I've already fought for so long…"

"So keep fighting then!" I yelled, opening my eyes to look up at him.

He shook his head as a lone tear fell down his cheek; "I-I can't anymore."

I sat up from the bed and let go of his hand, "How long then? How long is until you admit defeat?" I asked him, knowing I was being harsh.

It was my only way of dealing with this though.

He shrugged sadly, "I don't know, some doctors are saying months… maybe a year."

… _A year at most._

"So I-in a year…" I stuttered, unable to say the final words I planned. "It can't be true… you _can't_ leave me."

Tears were now flowing freely down both of our faces, Edward shakily reached a hand out to me, but I moved away not knowing how I would handle his loving touch right now.

"You can't!" I suddenly screamed, throwing myself against the wall beside the bed.

"Bella, please…" he begged me.

"You said forever… this is anything but that!" I whispered sadly.

He didn't say anything, and when I looked back at him I found I couldn't make eye contact with him…. I needed to be away for a while, for this to somehow sink in.

"I-I… I need some air…" I murmured, wiping my hands across my face.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward look at me like he was in agony, and I immediately had to look away- not wanting to see the pain in his expression at seeing me run away.

"If that's what you want," he whispered, his voice sounding like a shadow compared to what it used to be.

"Yes… I'll just go…" I murmured, before turning and running out of the door, like the coward like I am.

I leant against the door once it was shut and sobbed loudly into my hands, the fear and pain overtaking me. I was going to lose him. The love of my life, my reason for existence… I hadn't had him for long, yet he was going to be taken away. If there was a god I felt like screaming at him because it all seemed so unfair. Many people lived so long and got to spend their whole lives with their loved ones… how was it at all fair that Edward and I weren't going to be able to do that?

I screamed into my hands, knowing it was possible Edward could hear me through the door, but somehow not finding the courage to face him just yet. None of the nurses approached me… maybe they were afraid to.

I eventually composed myself a little and began walking… the hospital was mostly desolate at this hour, but there were still doctors hurrying down the corridors, and some patients walking through. I didn't take notice of any of them as I walked in my own trance-like state… trying to find somewhere to rest, to get my solace.

After a long time wandering the hospital, I eventually found myself sitting out the front of it, staring up at the night sky, and the stars lining it. Normally this would calm me - I had always loved the night, because it seemed easier - but now it just seemed empty and meaningless.

Now that I was truly alone away from anyone's sight and mind I found that I didn't think about the illness much at all… it was only Edward that I thought about. I thought about things he had said to me one afternoon at his apartment… about how he had always been alone…and was okay with it that was.

And that was understandable, of course. All he knew was the evil side of life… the fact that it could be over any day, so why would he feel any reason to live?

I thought sadly about how I had left him alone now and felt a sudden stab of guilt hit me- I knew he wasn't well at all and was frightened. And that I had hurt him even more, simply because I had acted like a coward because I was scared… scared of accepting that I may lose him.

And obviously this reason was exactly why he was so afraid to tell me- he was afraid that it would scare me away.

He didn't want to lose me… not now.

But finally, he found himself in a situation where he didn't have a choice but to tell me, and how did I react…?

Exactly like he feared.

_I had failed him_…

And so, before I could realise what I was doing, I turned and ran back into the hospital- heading back down the corridors in a blur, not quite sure if I was even going the right way, but not wanting to stop and check.

I heard people yelling at me to slow down, and I had to constantly dodge nurses and patients, but that didn't stop me. The tears had begun falling yet again and were pouring relentlessly making it hard to see, but I didn't care. I just let my instinct lead me and ran with it.

Finally, I found the correct numbers appear in front of me, and swung the door open, not slowing my pace until I was back by his side. Even then I reacted impulsively, and threw myself into his arms, completely shocking him.

"I'm so sorry…" I sobbed into his chest noisily.

He seemed to recover from his shock and wrapped his arms around me as best he could, he told the nurse who had followed me that everything was okay- though it took her some convincing. It was clear from his own shaking voice that he had been crying as well.

"I shouldn't have reacted that way… I let you down, I'm so, so sorry," I continued to tell him.

"It's okay, I understand," he murmured, running his hand through my hair soothingly.

I continued talking like I hadn't heard him- "I just didn't expect it… and I'm sorry. But I promise I'll never let you down again, I'll be here for you… I'll help you… every step of the way."

He looked hesitant, "Bella… are you sure? I don't want to be a-"

I cut him off, "I'm completely sure, I love you and can't be apart from you," I told him sincerely.

"I feel the exact same way," he murmured in awe, managing a soft smile for me.

I smiled back at him, but it was as if it was caught and wouldn't form- it came out as more of a grimace and I only found myself breaking down again. I knew I needed to stop, but I couldn't. I needed to allow myself these tears, to prepare for being the strongest I've ever been.

He held me tighter, and tried to soothe me- "Hey, hey don't cry… theres no need to be sad sweetheart," he whispered sweetly.

"I can't help it… I'm scared," I told him truthfully.

_I'm scared for you. I'm scared for us._

_I'm scared of facing life without you. _

He kissed my hair and began humming softly, "Please don't be scared Bella, things will be okay… _I promise_."

***~*~***

"_In all your silver rings, And all your silken things  
__That song you softly sing - is keeping you from breaking  
__It's a long way down, It's a long way_

_Please hold on - it's alright, Please hold on - it's alright, Please hold on…  
__Down in a local bar, Out on the boulevard, The sound of an old guitar is saving you._

_Don't turn away Dry your eyes, dry your eyes…  
__Don't be afraid… keep it all inside, all inside,  
__When you fall apart, dry your eyes, dry your eyes…  
__Life is always hard for the belle of the boulevard."_

***~*~***

_Six weeks later…_

… And things were okay for a while. As a matter of fact, they were more then okay.

Edward recovered from the flu and felt perfectly healthy for a while despite some inevitable lacks in energy. I refused to leave his side now, finding myself relying on him too much. And so, inevitably through all the time we spent together, we grew even more inseparable.

Sometimes I even managed to forget the dark inevitable cloud that was breaking on the horizon… because being with Edward was more then I could ever ask for.

He was still his witty, funny and sarcastic self, and I still matched him, people always commented on how happy we seemed together, especially Edward's parents who said that they were '_overjoyed to finally see their son happy again'_

Edward never said much about his illness and I never told anyone about it, not even Alice or my best friends… I felt like it was Edward's decision who he wanted to tell, and he never once mentioned telling anyone else.

I suppose they would find out soon enough though…

I shuddered violently at that thought, noticing once again that six weeks had passed… six weeks was a month and a half, out of the possible twelve…

"Hey, you okay?"

I looked up at Alice from across the table; it was a Friday and we were out for coffee today to discuss arrangements for the upcoming wedding.

"Yeah, fine. Why?" I replied shortly.

She shrugged, stirring her coffee with a spoon- "You just seemed so out of it… I was talking about the wedding, and all you could do was shudder in response," she murmured looking hurt.

I ran my hand through my hair, glancing around at the crowded café. "I'm sorry… that wasn't about the wedding, honestly."

"Okay…" she replied slowly, obviously hinting for me to explain.

I only shook my head, "another time please?" I asked her quietly, "So were you talking about dresses then?"

She looked at me suspiciously but didn't say anything; she elaborated by talking about this blue bridesmaid dress she had found for me. For her and Jaspers wedding which was three months away, I know, still a long time to her to be finding dresses already. But that was my best friend for you, she was an amazing one, albeit a little bit too crazy.

… Little did she know just how much I would end up relying on her soon though.

***~*~***

It was on a sunny Friday afternoon that Edward and I made the decision to just get in the car and drive… we had the idealised thought of just seeing where the road ending up taking us. We were curious as to what we would see, who we would meet… and we just wanted the time together where we wouldn't talk about what was coming.

We had been driving for about 5 hours when it happened, Edward was currently driving (we kept taking hour long turns because he would get tired… a result from the heavy treatment he was on at the moment).

What we were able to have was beautiful… because of the direction we were driving in, we were able to drive into the sunset for a seemingly long time. The sun continued to stay in the same position while we kept moving forward, for a while I waited for it to slowly sink or to somehow rise… I waited for some sort of change but found that I never really wanted it to happen.

… Because this moment was simply too beautiful.

However things do have to change and the sun eventually began sinking, and the day turned into twilight… coincidentally both Edward and my favourite time of day.

We both talked quietly and listened to our favourite bands, even jokingly arguing about what Dashboard confessional song we preferred before realising that only one fitted us and what we were doing right now.

_Belle of the boulevard._

***~*~***

It was now a week until the wedding and I was home alone- Edward after much insistence from me had agreed to go out with Jasper to go and get his wedding suit, and Alice was in one of her classes meaning I had the apartment to myself.

I had spent a lot of my time studying lately for graduation was so near now… I had very reluctantly sent my application off to the local medical schools. I remember fighting with Edward over it for ages, telling him it was the last thing on my mind right now. But he had insisted until I just went ahead and sent them… though I made sure to ask for a deferral in my application, so that way even if I did go it wouldn't be until September next year.

I didn't even want to think that far ahead… Edward had been perfectly well lately, and we hadn't said much about the cancer. I knew that it frightened him and that he just wanted to enjoy the time he had, so I made sure not to mention it.

And in return we were the closest we had ever been… so much so that I actually missed him and he'd only been gone an hour so far. He promised to text me if he felt unwell though but hadn't done that so far so I managed not to worry so much.

But as I sat alone attempting to read my book I found that I just couldn't focus on the words… none of this stuff mattered anymore. I desperately wanted Edward to be here with me… just so I could enjoy every second and not be so afraid. He always took my mind off of it.

I was just about to pick my phone up and ring him when the doorbell rang; I got up and ran to the door hoping that it was Edward back already. But when I swung it open it didn't reveal my beautiful, bronze haired boyfriend.

Instead it was someone that I never expected to be standing here… it was Charlie.

"Dad…" I gasped, "w-what are you doing here?"

He looked up at me nervously, "I got a call from someone called Edward… just telling me how you were and… that you needed me."

"E-Edward called you?" I asked in surprise, in complete shock that my dad was actually standing in front of me after all this time apart.

"Yeah," he nodded, "I was going to come and see how you were doing, but kept putting it off, too afraid that you wouldn't forgive me… but what he said convinced me to finally get myself here."

"I'm so sorry Bells," he sighed, his dark eyes that matched mine were nothing but sincere. "I'm sorry for everything… for what I said."

"I'm sorry too," I told him gently.

He reached forward and pulled me into a gentle hug, there was no awkwardness considering how long it had been since we'd done this. I was too relieved and happy… because I finally had my dad back.

"I just can't believe you're here!" I sobbed against his shoulder, a wide smile on my face.

He held me for a bit longer, giving me a gentle squeeze. "Me neither…" he replied, as we pulled apart and walked into the apartment and sat on the sofa side by side. He turned to face me analysing my expression, "Is everything okay Bells?" he asked worriedly, seeing something in my expression that clearly made him nervous.

I knew there was no point in lying to Charlie, if he was the way he had always been then he would see right through it. Besides… I knew that I desperately needed to tell someone, to finally say the tragic words out loud. "No… no not really," I admitted, shaking my head as the tears continued to fall down my cheeks.

He reached out to wipe my tears away, "What's wrong?" he asked, his southern accent standing out.

I closed my eyes slowly, letting out a deep breath. "It's Edward… he's got cancer," I murmured, hearing Charlie's in take of breath, "… and he's not going to make it." I sobbed, as Charlie pulled me back into his arms again.

"First mom and now him… I just don't know what to do," I admitted, fear in my voice.

"Just be strong Bells, I know you can," Charlie whispered as he swayed me side to side, "… I'll be here for you."

I looked up at him in surprise- finding some happiness in all the darkness. Thanks to Edward I had Charlie back… after believing I would never see him again for so long.

"You will?" I mumbled, wiping some tears off my cheeks with the back of my hand.

He nodded, his brown eyes showing nothing but honesty as he looked at me. "I promise."

***~*~***

Charlie ended up staying for a few days before returning home with the promise that he would call a few times a week and come to visit again soon. I also vowed to visit him when I could… it had been so long since I had been to Fork's after all. The visit went by quickly… it almost felt as if we'd never fallen out at all as we went back to the way we were when I was growing up almost instantly. Not to mention, Alice was thrilled to see Charlie too; she always got on well with him.

He also got on well with Edward… but how could he not? It was Edward who technically reunited us after all. Speaking of… that day when Edward came back I pretty much attacked him with kisses thanking him for calling Charlie… he may not have realised it but he had done something that was truly incredible for me. It made me love him even more, if that was even possible, I only wished that I could repay him somehow…

It was now one week on and the day of Alice and Jaspers wedding, and Alice, Rosalie and I were currently getting ready- Rosalie and I were in our dark blue bridesmaid dresses and Alice was in her elegant white dress.

It was a shame that Charlie wasn't able to stay for the wedding- he had to get back for work commitments. I did make sure to thank him for how he acted so normal around Edward- because I asked him, he never mentioned Edward's cancer to him, and just treated him as he felt he would normally treat one of my boyfriends.

And with that thought I finished clasping my necklace and turned to face Alice who had just run back into the room.

She looked beautiful of course, even though she was only half-ready so far. But unfortunately she looked very nervous, "What's the weather like Bella, I'm too nervous to look!" she asked me worriedly.

I turned towards the window at the request of my best friend and pulled back to blinds, only to grimace- it was typical Washington weather with thick clouds, heavy rain and what looked like strong winds.

I sighed sadly knowing this wouldn't be good news for Alice. She deserved sunshine on her special day… hell, she was sunshine.

I turned back to face her, "So sorry Ali, but its raining," I murmured bitterly, "Typical huh? On your wedding day and everything…"

To my surprise a soft smile lit up her face, "Its okay though Bella... Didn't you hear? If it rains on someone's wedding day it's supposed to mean good luck… that they'll have a long happy marriage. I'm not bothered by it at all," she shrugged before walking over to stand in front of her mirror.

I bit my lip, deep in thought by what she had said, admiring her once again for just how positive she always was.

… And I wished that somehow I could be the same.

***~*~***

The service was beautiful of course… I will admit without embarrassment that I had tears in my eyes the whole way through as I listened to Alice and Jasper's sweet vows for eachother and as I watched the moment where the minister declared them husband and wife. It was wonderful… everyone stood and clapped while I snuck a look at Edward who was staring at me, a beautiful smile on his face. I smiled in return as I wiped the tears from my face the best I could without smudging my make up.

There was nothing in my mind but how much I loved my friends… and Edward of course. The emotion I felt was almost overwhelming- I was almost certain that everyone could feel it in the air.

We then made our way to the hotel, which the reception was being held, and then had dinner and made our speeches… which I managed my way through easily despite my previous nerves. After that Alice and Jasper had their first dance as a married couple before everyone made their way to the dancefloor paired off.

I stood back in silence smiling as I watched my friends- they were all laughing and smiling, which in turn made me happy… because they all were.

_Flightless bird, American mouth _by Iron and wine came on next, and although it seemed like an unusual choice for a wedding due to the lyrics, I couldn't deny that the song was beautiful- it was one of my personal favourites.

I found myself singing along under my breath, while fidgeting around in my slightly uncomfortable dress.

And then just as I was about to go looking for Edward, he suddenly appeared back at my side with a sweet smile on his face.

He moved so he was standing in front of me and then held out a hand, "I think you owe me a dance, don't you?" he grinned cheekily.

I glanced at the people on the dancefloor, biting my lip nervously; "I don't think so," I mumbled, shaking my head.

"Why not?" he asked, as his grin turned into a near pout.

I sighed gently looking down at my feet, "Edward look at these heels! I'm just a walking disaster waiting to happen," I complained, pointing at the silver contraptions I had on my feet.

He rolled his eyes, "would I ever let you fall? Come on love," he murmured, taking my hand into his.

I sighed, but gave in knowing that I wasn't going to win this battle. He smiled in victory and pulled me onto the crowded dancefloor. One of his arms went around my waist and the other held my hand pulling me close to him, while my free hand that wasn't in his went around his neck keeping me there.

Together we began swaying gently in tune to the music… and of course he was right, I didn't fall once- he held on to me so tightly with no space between our bodies, so it was pretty much impossible.

I looked up at him, awed by how beautiful and wonderful he was… everything he did was so kind and selfless. It was no wonder everyone who met him liked him, and wanted to know him.

He smiled down at me, life shining in his eyes… he looked the happiest I had ever seen him, and certainly not unwell at all. Despite the slight shadows under his eyes and his pale skin he looked completely perfect.

_He was perfect._

I swallowed back my sadness at what was eventually going to happen and just held on to him even tighter. "I love you," I whispered, leaning up to brush my lips against his jaw.

He let out a soft sigh of contentment, nuzzling his nose into my hair. "I love you too," he whispered, kissing my forehead.

Yes… everything was perfect…

_For now._

***~*~***

After dancing to a few songs, we went for a walk out into the gardens together; I had been to this place before having visited it with Alice when choosing reception venues. However when I last came it was during the day… and in my opinion the gardens only seemed to look even more beautiful at night, with the gentle sounds around it.

I walked away from Edward slightly, walking towards the bed of lilies that I had seen. Closing my eyes I whispered- "I love the way everything smells… the air is so clear here… away from the city."

He came up behind me, "I know what you mean, it's the little things like this that most people don't care about…" Edward murmured, I turned to look at him to see him deep in thought. We both walked over to a nearby bench and sat down close to eachother, our hands clasped.

Once we were sat down he sighed sadly, his eyes reflecting terrible pain, as he looked across the lake that was next to the lilies. "Bella, I know I don't have long now, I can feel it in me…"

I interrupted him, "Please don't say that," I begged, wanting this night to continue to be wonderful- I didn't want reminders of the pain that was to come to both of us. I knew he had to talk about the cancer at some point, but I wanted it to be anytime but now.

He looked back over at me, and with his free hand began brushing my cheek gently with his fingers. "But Bella, it's okay… and you know why?"

"Why?" I murmured, my voice breaking slightly.

His green eyes never left mine as he spoke- "Because these months that I've been with you have been the best in my life," he murmured, "… before I met you I was just bitter and resentful, always thinking _'why me? Why did I deserve this fate? Why can't people like rapists or murderers that deserve to die get cancer instead of me?!'_… Thoughts like that consumed me Bella until I was always angry. But having been with you, I've found that I shouldn't be that way, theres no reason to be resentful to life… because it gave me you." He whispered tenderly, reaching out to run his fingers across my cheek.

I could barely see him through my tears, but desperately grabbed at him, grabbing what I could. I managed to get hold of his collar so I could pull myself to him.

He didn't say anything, and only pulled me closer, soothing me with his gentle humming and kisses to my hair.

_He was so brave._

I couldn't hold back any longer- I pulled him in for a kiss, trying desperately to pour all the love I had for him into it. Both of us clutched onto eachother desperately as our lips moved together perfectly… like they were made it to fit.

We eventually broke apart and I ended up resting my head on his shoulder, looking up at the stars. "It's funny how stars never change isn't it…" I murmured more to myself then him, "they follow you wherever you go… the light in the dark."

"Hmm" he murmured, seeming deep in thought.

I relaxed again, evening out my breathing, just enjoying this moment with him. When something happened that I didn't expect at all…

"Bella…?" he whispered,

"Yes?" I replied, my lips moving against his neck.

He let out a gentle breath, "Now might not be the right time to say this but I feel its now or never…" he paused to take a deep breath, "but I love you, with everything I have in me…"

"I love you too, forever" I whispered, closing my eyes.

He sighed softly, "that's so nice to hear… it makes this easier…"

I looked up at him, "makes what easier?" I asked in confusion.

He looked down at me, his eyes brighter and more loving then I had ever seen them. He cupped my cheek with his hand and moved so close that our foreheads and noses were brushing.

When he spoke ever so softly against my lips in the gentlest and sweetest tone- "Will you… marry me?"

* * *

**_To be continued... last part to follow soon._**

**Once again let me know what you think... was this chapter sad? Sweet? Next chapter to be up soon!**

**Thanks for reading! Emma.x**


	3. Possibility

**A/N- Hii! So heres the final chapter! Thank you for the reviews for the last chapter, its really appreciated... its nice to know that people have liked this story so far! **

**But yeah, this is the end and the saddest chapter. Actually while completing this final part, something very strange happened… I actually cried as I wrote a certain part. I won't say what part it was yet (I've mentioned it in my end AN though)… so I don't give anything away… but yeah. Gah, this really, really got to me, unlike anything I've written before. **

**This chapter is over 10,000 words, by far the longest FF chapter I've ever written! Hope you all like it, please _review!_**

* * *

"_Know that when you leave,  
__Know that when you leave,  
__By blood and by mean.  
__You walk like a thieve,  
__By blood and by mean,  
__I'll fall when you leave._

_So tell me when you hear my heart stop,  
__You're the only who knows.  
__Tell me when you hear my silence,  
__There's a possibility,  
__I wouldn't know._

_So tell me when my sigh is over,  
__You're the reason why I'm close.  
__Tell me when you hear me falling,  
__Theres a possibility, it wouldn't show"_

**~ SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL ~**

**~ CHAPTER THREE ~**

I said yes that day naturally. How could have I said no to such a sweet and loving request after all?

It was something Edward had always wanted before he died, and it made logical sense because we loved eachother so much- not to mention all our family and friends wanted it for us…

… And truthfully I did too, more then anything.

I had never told anyone apart from Alice this but all I had ever wanted was to be married someday… it seemed uncanny of me and out of character considering my tough 'I don't care' exterior but it really was the truth.

_Isn't it what a lot of girls want anyway? For someone to love them and want to proclaim that to everyone…?_

It was what I had always dreamed of… but I never thought it would happen. I had imagined what my big day would be like, but I never once envisioned it being to someone like Edward… never did I think I would end up married to someone so wonderful and perfect... never in my wildest dreams.

We were married on the 1st of September, it started out with rain but as the day went on the weather quickly turned beautiful… for once the sun shone, and our idea to have the wedding outside really did pay off.

I had Alice as my maid of honour and Rosalie as a bridesmaid while Edward had Jasper as his best man. Emmett had joked about conducting the ceremony, but after telling us all his ideas to make everyone laugh, we had to let him down gently as quick as possible.

Charlie was there to give me away and there were no words as to how happy both of us were… we honestly never saw it happening after our fallout. I knew that if it wasn't for Edward that it wouldn't have… he was the one who bought us back together after all.

Another big thing happened that day besides the wedding itself- it was also the day that I got my acceptance into Seattle's best medical school… deferral included. When I showed Edward during our honeymoon, he was initially disappointed that I had chosen to defer it, but soon understood why I did it when I explained that I just wanted all the time I could have with him before… well, _you know_. After that he insisted we celebrate- he was incredibly proud of me, which made me almost feel proud of myself… I would be if I weren't so afraid.

I also cut down my hours at the coffee shop so I was only working two mornings a week- I had to explain the whole situation to Sam and Leah who were more then understanding. They actually offered to let me have time completely off but that felt unfair to them. So I was now on eight hours a week, working on Monday's and Wednesdays… it was the best solution, I knew that.

Anyway, back to life outside of work… Edward and I went on our honeymoon the day after our wedding, spending a week in New York. We knew it wouldn't be the best idea to leave the country as Edward may need medical attention at any time… but the week together was amazing nonetheless.

When we got back I moved into Edwards apartment with him, finding that married life was easier then I thought… its like Edward and I instantly fit into the roles with little effort. And for a while things really did seem like they were going to be okay… we were a normal young married couple. We adored each other; we never stopped smiling when we were each others presence, and always found that everything was better once we were by the others side.

Everything was perfect, and then one day… it suddenly wasn't.

… As time began to quickly creep up on us, and began to run out for Edward.

***~*~***

It was on one Sunny Saturday afternoon after a walk through the city that Edward and I ending up spending time sitting on a small park bench, just watching the world pass us by. There were people walking their dogs, groups of friends who were no older then their late teens, there were also young and old couples walking hand in hand- it was interesting to say the least.

I supposed that to anyone who passed by me and Edward, with his arm around my waist and my head on his shoulder it would look like we were just a normal young couple, not suffering on the inside like we were.

I liked that, but it also made me think… if it was so easy for Edward and I to look like nothing was wrong on the outside then what possible things were some of these people going through that they were hiding?!

Just as the thoughts in my head began turning negative they stopped because of what I saw next… a little girl and boy who looked to be no older then seven ran by laughing loudly. A smile slowly spread across my face as I watched the two dark haired children run on to the grass, the boy chasing the girl with what looked like a worm or some sort of bug.

I smiled wistfully as I saw their parents appear, the dad taking the girl into his arms and the mom taking the boy. The two parents then took each others hands and walked on, their children making all the conversation for them as they begged for an ice cream.

For one single second I imagined Edward and I in the parent's roles, with children like that… it would suit us, I knew that much. And admittedly I did love the idea of a family like that even though I knew that it was out of the question for me.

I was certain of the fact that I would only ever want a baby with Edward… but that's not going to happen, so I knew that having my own child was never going to either.

Still, even though I knew it was impossible, I couldn't help but wish for it.

I tried to hide my envious look as I watched the retreating figures of the young family, but Edward seemingly noticed as he looked at me through the corner of his eye.

His arm around me squeezed me tighter to him, "have you ever wanted children?" he murmured quietly in my ear.

I let out a soft breath now that the family was out of sight, and then looked up at my husband, finding that I automatically told him the truth- there was no point in trying to lie to him. "Yeah I have… I know I may not seem like the maternal type, but I've always wondered what it would be like…" I trailed off.

Edward nodded, "You would be a good mother," he murmured thoughtfully.

I smiled, and leaned up to kiss his jaw softly, "You think?" I whispered, feeling him nod before asking the question back- "What about you? Have you ever wanted a child?"

He shrugged, "Yeah I suppose, I've always wanted a girl," he admitted sheepishly.

I nuzzled my face against his neck, smiling against his skin. "A girl to spoil and protect right?"

"Exactly," he replied, a smile in his voice.

I let out a deep breath against his skin, causing him to shiver slightly. "You would be a wonderful father," I told him quietly, knowing it was the truth… any child would be the luckiest in the world to have him as a dad.

He nodded again, and I could tell from his pause that he was deep in thought. "We could try if you want…" he told me, letting his voice trail off.

I sat up so I could look him in the eye, not sure if I heard him correctly. "What?" I gasped.

His mouth lifted into a half smile, "I could give you a child… if you wanted," he murmured sincerely, brushing his fingers across my jaw.

It was like he had actually heard my thoughts and how I was thinking about the possibility… it was a crazy suggestion though… he should have realised it wouldn't be possible- not in the situation we were in.

"N-No, I don't think I could do that…" I stuttered.

Hurt and surprise flashed across his features, "Why?" he asked quietly.

I sighed softly, looking out towards the grass field in front of us where there were now a few more children with their parents. "It's not that I don't want your baby Edward… I want it almost as much as I want you forever." I whispered sadly, "But I just don't think I could go it alone… it would hurt too much knowing that you never got to see your baby grow up," I told him sadly, hating the sadness that suddenly crossed his features.

He nodded slowly, blinking a few times. "Hmm… yeah, that would be tough for both of us… I know that," he shrugged, "…but theres one thing that would be kind of nice."

I looked up at him curiously, "What's that?" I asked him.

"Just the fact that there'll actually be proof that I was here… alive. And that I'll have some sort of legacy, you know… a part of me left in this world." He murmured thoughtfully, looking up at the blue sky before turning back to me and taking my hands in his. "I mean I know it wouldn't be a good idea… I may not even be able to have kids because of the chemo I had, and I know I probably wouldn't live to see it be born… but still, a big part of me really wants this."

I smiled softly at him, reaching up to push some hair out of his eyes, sighing sadly when I saw how tired and frail he looked… it only seemed even more clear in the sunlight. "You've really thought about this haven't you?" I whispered gently.

He smiled down at me, "Yeah, I have," he admitted.

Everything that he had said made complete sense, and almost convinced me to ask him if we could try. I did love the idea of having some part of Edward with me for the rest of my life… but it still seemed selfish somehow, knowing he wouldn't be there for it all.

But looking at the expression in his eyes and the excitement in his voice really makes it seem like this is what he wants more then anything.

And so I spoke my sudden decision out loud as I leant into his side, "Well… lets just see what happens okay? Clearly we can't control what happens to us in this life…" I murmured, referring to everything that was happening to us. "… But if I somehow get pregnant then it'll be our miracle and if not… well that's the way things will have to be right?" I asked him, receiving a wide smile and kiss in response.

Once we had settled back into our earlier positions I asked him a question that had been in my mind the whole way through the conversation. "Just out of curiosity… what names do you like?"

"Grace," he replied instantly, "with the middle names Marie and then Hope… Marie because its your middle name, and hope because… well that word means a lot to me, its kind of represented the last five years of my life." He told me gently, his fingers gently trailing up and down my arm.

I smiled- loving the enthusiasm in his voice, it was as if he was picturing a little girl in his head… his little girl. "…And what about a boy?" I asked, nuzzling my face back into his neck again.

He shrugged slightly, kissing my jaw. "To be honest… I've never thought about it," he admitted sheepishly.

I laughed quietly, before sighing in thought, imagining a girl in my mind with bronze hair and green eyes- a beautiful female version of Edward. And then I smiled against his skin, "Hmm, Grace Cullen… perfect."

***~*~***

More time passed much to my dismay and it was now a rainy November afternoon, three months on from our wedding, and I finally made the decision… I was going to tell my best friends about Edward. He had been a lot sicker lately, spending most of his time in bed and both of us knew that time was running short, even though we never said the words aloud.

And despite not telling anyone this the pain was beginning to cloud in on me, everyone knew for certain that something was wrong- but never questioned it. I knew however that they had to know at some point, and I wanted it be now- I needed them, I needed people to be there for me, and most of all I needed my friends to talk to.

And so, I sat with Alice and Rosalie telling them I had something I desperately needed to tell them, though once I said that I couldn't actually find the words to tell them the problem. It's not exactly a bed of roses saying out loud that your husbands dying of cancer... I had only said it twice, once to Charlie and once to Sam and Leah.

As I sat thinking things through Rosalie and Alice soon got impatient with my silence, and finally decided to force the truth out of me.

"What is it Bella? You're scaring me…" Rosalie frowned.

"Are you pregnant?!" Alice suddenly gasped.

Where on earth did she get that idea…?! … Admittedly Edward and I were unofficially trying, but I had definitely never given a hint to Alice that I even wanted a baby, let alone trying for one! I immediately shook my head, "No, no! God, I wish… anything but this," I gasped.

I looked across the room to notice Rosalie now looked deep in thought, and when she finally spoke it was very quiet and surprisingly close to the truth- "Are you sick?" she asked warily.

I shook my head again, "No…" I mumbled.

She sighed in relief, "Oh thank good-"

"Edward is," I abruptly interrupted her, the words coming out before I could stop them.

They both froze and turned to look at me- shock and horror written across both of their expressions.

Alice frowned, "Edward is…?" she asked slowly.

Rosalie reached over and took hold of one of my hands in her, "What do you mean by 'sick?" she asked slowly.

I looked down at my lap, finding the words almost impossible to say. "He… he has Leukaemia," I told them shakily.

There was a deathly silence in the air for several moments – _no pun intended_ - before they seemed to react from the news.

"Oh Bella," they both murmured together as they pulled me into a tight hug.

Rosalie pushed my hair back from my damp face, "It'll be okay Bells, a huge amount of people recover from it in no time…"

I shook my head to cut her off, "Rose, he's not going to recover," I told her quietly, the tears falling down my cheeks and dripping from my chin.

"What do you mean?" she asked in confusion.

Alice, however, seemed to understand- "Oh no…" she gasped, covering her hand with her mouth in horror.

"It's terminal," I confirmed, tears falling relentlessly down my cheeks, "he was predicted a year to live about in January, and was so certain he would live longer then that… but he's getting so weak. I don't… I don't know what to do, I don't know how I'm going to cope…" I continued to sob.

They just held on to me again tighter, "I wish I knew what to say Bella, I honestly didn't expect this," Rosalie murmured.

"I know… and I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, I haven't told anyone. I just thought that saying out loud would make it more real…" I told them sadly.

"I understand, it's okay," she whispered.

I looked over at Alice who still looked horrified, "Alice…?" I asked her quietly.

"I… I don't know what to say either Bella. I just… this isn't fair on either of you… Edward doesn't deserve to die, and you don't deserve to lose him like this, especially after your mother…" she paused, "Who knew life could be so cruel?" she whispered as tears began falling down her cheeks.

"I know right?" I laughed without humour. "I just… I don't understand why this has to be Edward you know? Why not anyone else?" I asked helplessly, "… _why not me_?"

"Don't say that Bella!" they both replied instantly.

Alice took hold of one of my hands, "Never, _ever_ think that!" she whispered sternly, "… what would Edward think if he heard you saying things like that?!"

I blinked in surprise at her angry tone, before looking away in guilt. She was right after all… about the Edward part anyway.

"I'm sorry," I eventually mumbled, "I just can't help but think things like that… its all I seem to do since I found out."

They both nodded, as if in understanding- they were probably thinking that if the situation was reversed and it was Emmett or Jasper who was sick that they would want the same.

I sighed and wiped away some of my tears, "…The only thing I haven't been able to think about is how I'm going to cope without him."

They both looked at me sadly, "I'm not going to lie to you Bella… it will be really difficult, I mean I know how it was when your mom died…" she paused, "but you know what? I was there for you then, and I'll be there you for now."

"Exactly… you'll have us to help you Bells," Rosalie turned to me with a smile on her face, "And Emmett and Jasper, and Charlie too…"

_Yes, I will have my dad… though that's only thanks to Edward. _

I didn't know what to say so I said the only thing that came to mind, "thank you."

They both hugged me tighter as I continued talking quietly, afraid that I would break if I spoke any louder. "You know... I've actually decided that I'm going to go back to Fork's for a while once… _you know_. I've got my deferral from medical school so I'll have a while… I think I need to spend a couple of months with Charlie, to help us reconnect and to help me." I explained to them both.

I hated that I was already making plans for what I was going to do after all of this, but I was inevitable… I had to start at some point. And I knew that going back to Fork's where I grew up would help me. I knew that being in mine and Edward's apartment right away would kill me… because of all the memories that would surround me.

… It would only remind me of whom I had lost.

I hadn't shared any of these plans with Edward yet but I knew he would agree… he was the one who encouraged me to get close to Charlie again after all.

Alice nodded, "I could come with you if you want?"

I smiled at her through my tears, once again grateful to my best friend, "Thank you… but I think I need to go alone," I told her quietly, squeezing her hand.

She nodded again, smiling at me, "I understand."

And then it was silent for a long time- gradually the rainy day faded into a stormy night, but we didn't say much. They just both continued to hug me soothingly… I knew that they were both in shock- Edward was a good friend to them too. It must have been hurting them to know what was happening to him.

I told them to tell Emmett and Jasper in their own way, knowing that just telling them two was enough for me.

I happily accepted the comfort of my friends knowing I had to let my emotions free at some point… I had kept most of it bottled in so far, and it was wearing me down. Which I wouldn't allow… I knew I had to stay strong for Edward no matter what the cost.

… Because the worst - the most frightening part of this entire nightmare - was yet to come.

***~*~***

_"Hush, baby don't cry, Just get through this night. Overcome...  
Cuz all that you are, is broken inside  
But they'll never know, they'll never know...  
Don't think that they'll change, they push you away. Far from home...  
__'Cuz all that they are, Is broken inside. But they'll never know, They'll never know..._

_Don't you cry tonight, rest your weary eyes,  
Cuz all that you are, is broken inside.  
It's nothing you could change...  
It's nothing you could hide...  
It's nothing you could hide._

_Pink flowers and bows, that's all you should know, and summer days.  
Cuz all that you are, is beautiful child. But they'll never know, they'll never know..._

_So don't you cry tonight, rest your precious eyes, 'Cuz all that you are, Is beautiful child  
It's nothing they could change...  
It's nothing you could hide...  
It's nothing you should hide._

_Oh oh oh  
Cuz all that you are, is beautiful child.  
But they'll never know, they'll never know."_

***~*~***

It was now a few days before Christmas, and the apartment was fully decorated ready for the celebrations. The plan was for the whole gang to come over here for lunch on Christmas day itself and then for Edward and I to go to Forks to see Charlie afterwards… if Edward was well enough that is.

Things certainly were easier after I told Rosalie and Alice that day – they had told Emmett and Jasper and then the four of them had all come and offered their support to Edward, letting him know that they were here for the both of us. I didn't know if I said it enough… but I really did love my friends- I didn't know what I would do without them.

I pulled the newly baked cookies out of the oven and turned to the window, noticing something different about the night time sky. I ran over to it quickly and finally realised what it was… everywhere was covered with a fresh layer of snow as it fell heavily from the sky. Everything looked so pure… and white.

I wasn't a fan of snow myself, but I knew Edward was… he would be very excited about this.

"Edward, it's snowing!" I yelled, not moving from my spot by the window. I smiled and waited for his response… only to hear nothing.

"Edward?!" I asked loudly, walking into the bedroom- guessing that he probably couldn't hear me from where I was.

When I made it into the room Edward was there on the bed… asleep. I knew that he needed his rest, but something compelled me to wake him up… at the time I thought it was just because of the snow.

How wrong I was.

I climbed on the bed and crawled over to him, "Edwarddd?" I chanted, nudging his shoulder with my hand gently.

He didn't wake up so I continued doing that until the nudges were pretty hard, I frowned, surely no one could sleep through that...?

I reached out to touch his cheek only to notice how cold it was… it was _deathly_ cold, like ice. It was then that I finally took in his appearance, noticing that he was even paler then usual, and that his skin now had a slight blue tone to it.

_Oh no._

With shaking hands I felt his pulse, only to notice it was very weak against my fingertips. Tears sprung to my eyes instantly and I almost fell off the bed due to shaking so much.

It was happening… _he was dying._

_No, no it can't be… he can't. _

In a last ditch took in a deep breath and called his name as loud as I could-

"_EDWARD!"_

***~*~***

Edward didn't wake up.

And now here I now was in the hospital waiting for some sort of diagnosis… desperately hoping that Carlisle would come back and tell me that Edward would be okay… that he was just dehydrated, something as simple as that.

Only… that wasn't the case.

Tests were run, and eventually Edward was put in a single room in the oncology ward, he was conscious but scared… I could tell that much.

Both Esme and I were in the room holding one of his hands, being careful of the many wires that were protruding out of them. Not many words were said… we were all too afraid, speaking seemed like something that was in the back of our minds right now.

Eventually Carlisle came into the room… he didn't need to speak- his expression said it all.

And then all of our hearts were broken as he softly whispered Edward's final diagnosis, "After running some tests we've discovered the problem," he whispered, tears falling heavily down his cheeks. "Edward's kidneys are failing… he's… he's got days left to live."

***~*~***

A day passed, our friends came to visit, more tests were run… but nothing apart from that changed.

I was completely numb to almost everything around me- ever since the diagnosis I had barely spoken… I had just climbed on the bed to lie next to Edward and cried until there were no more tears left in me. Esme and Carlisle were both inconsolable and left to calm down but Edward… despite everything he seemed okay.

He just held me as tight as he could in his arms, telling me that everything was going to be fine and that he loved me. It didn't do much to relax me… but I refused to move from his arms, I knew I wouldn't have much longer that I could be held like this by him and I was going to savour it while I still could.

Edward looked even weaker then how I found him yesterday- his eyes were bloodshot, his lips were chapped, his skin was blue, his hair was limp, and he was far too skinny…

_And he was still the most beautiful person I had ever seen. _

Edward was currently humming a sweet melody in my ear, as I stared up at his face, memorising every part of him that I could.

The door to the room opened and we both looked up to see Carlisle enter, a forced smile on his face. "How are you feeling?" he asked, directing his question to Edward.

Edward shrugged weakly, "Okay," he croaked out, his voice even sounding weak.

Carlisle nodded as he walked up beside the bed, "Good, good," he muttered, before his forced smile slowly became more genuine. "Well… I have some news that I think you'll both be very happy with…"

I sat up slightly, suddenly not so numb as I was before. "What's that?"

Carlisle sat down on the edge of the bed, "We think we may have found a donor… for a new kidney," he told Edward, relief clear in his voice.

"A what?!" I gasped, "W-what would that mean?"

Carlisle ran his hand through his hair; "More time… possibly another six months."

A fresh round of tears began to fall from my eyes, this time caused from happiness and the pure hope I was now feeling. I turned to face Edward, a wide smile on my face. "Edward did you hear? Another six months! That's incredible…"

"No," he suddenly cut me off.

"What?" both Carlisle and I asked at the same, alarm in our voices.

"I said no," his voice was stern, "… I don't want the kidney, so _please _just give it to someone who needs it more," he begged Carlisle.

Carlisle's expression showed nothing but shock. "Edward, you do need it," he told him. "… You do realise the impact of not having a transplant right?" he asked rhetorically, not waiting for a response before saying-

"You'll die Edward, and it'll be very soon."

Edward only shrugged though, as if this news didn't both him, "that's okay… because I'm going to die anyway," he murmured.

Hating the words that were coming out of his mouth, I turned and grabbed hold of his shoulders, feeling nothing but panic and searing disappointment. "But Edward this will give you longer, didn't you hear? You could have another six months!" I exclaimed.

"But Bella, I'm going to die no matter what, why delay the inevitable?" he murmured softly before turning back to Carlisle, "Please… give it to someone who has more of a chance then me, who will live longer. Do you see the point I'm trying to make?"

Even though it was irrational - because I knew he was trying to be selfless towards someone else who was suffering - I couldn't stop the angry tears that welled up in my eyes. "No Edward… I don't." I began yelling, making everyone in the room jump in surprise. "…What I think you're trying to say is that the possibility of living for six more months is so terrible… I mean heaven forbid having more time with your wife!" I muttered sarcastically.

His expression turned from calm to panicked, clearly at how I was reacting- "Bella, that's not what I meant and you know it…"

"Isn't it?" I interrupted him bitterly, "Edward really… am I that hideous that you don't want to fight for me? That you're so desperate to die to get away from me?" I screamed.

I could see that he was about to object, to tell me that it wasn't the case. But I was too hurt and full of grief at his decision and the way he was acting so calm about dying and leaving me alone without him. So I continued and asked a question that I knew would hurt him- "Why did you even marry me in the first place?" I muttered, pulling myself out of his arms and off the bed.

Hurt and shock shot across his features at my actions and words, "You know why Bella, because I love-" he began to whisper.

"Don't say it," I told him lowly cutting him off. I walked to the door and opened it, the tears almost blinding my vision as I spoke one last time, "…Because I can't believe it right now." I yelled, walking out and slamming the door behind me.

***~*~***

After calming down slightly I ended up finding a quiet corner of the waiting room to sit in and crouched down, placing my head in my hands as I sobbed loudly.

Whether irrational or not I had never felt so heartbroken, hurt and disappointed. I really believed in me that Edward would want to fight…

… _Guess I was wrong though. _

That only caused another round of sobs- loud painful noises coming only from me until a soft velvet voice broke the silence. "Bella?"

I looked up through my blurry vision to see Edward standing in front of me, still in his hospital gown, his hand against the wall supporting him.

I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, "what are you doing up? You should be in bed resting." I mumbled, concern showing in my voice despite my anger.

He sighed gently, "Bella, you know I can't rest while your mad at me."

"Whatever," I shrugged, sounding careless.

He let out a ragged breath, as if he was close to tears himself. "Please Bella… can you just hear me out?" he begged me.

I looked up at him to see the clear desperation across his face… he was hurting too. I suppose I could let him explain his reasoning… although it was doubtful that I would agree with it.

Ever since we'd gotten together we had never argued like this… I hated the feeling, and didn't want it to last.

"Fine," I nodded.

He slowly sunk down so he was sitting next to me, resting his head back against the wall. I noticed then just how unwell he looked- even more then ever before. I had never seen his skin so pale or such dark shadows under his eyes, which were now closed as he rested his head back.

And then I felt a sudden wave of guilt… how could I say that I was suffering, when he was like this?! He was going through so much pain physically and mentally and I was being a terrible, horrible wife to him.

"Oh Edward…" I whispered, suddenly reaching over and clutching myself to him.

He wrapped his arms around me and began rubbing my back soothingly, "I just want you to get better… it's killing me to see you like this," I sobbed desperately against his shoulder.

"I know baby, I know," he whispered kissing my tear stained cheeks.

"Please explain it to me," I whispered, referring to the whole situation.

He sighed softly against my hair, "Bella… its not that I want to die, or leave you…"

"Then what is it?" I asked against his neck.

"I'm just… I'm used up," he whispered shaking his head, "I've been fighting this for so long… I've let myself hope so many times that I'll get better. I've been in this situation where I've thought I'm going to die countless times… and its painful, Bells." He whispered, agonised.

"… I'm afraid that if I have this transplant that I will just stay the way I am, dying slowly, having the cancer slowly take over another part of me. And like you said… I know its killing you to see me like this, I would hate for you to suffer anymore." He murmured sadly, a single tear falling down his cheek as he softly whispered- "I'm ready to go."

I let out a whimper; "You're ready to leave me?" I gasped, my voice getting caught in my throat.

He clutched me to him even tighter, one arm around my back and one cupping my head as he rocked us from side to side. "No, Bella no… I never want to leave you, you know that." He sobbed, "But… I don't know how much of me's left. I just can't fight this anymore, I'm tired of the constant pain…"

I tried to find something to say, "I know, but…"

He cut me off, cupping my face in his hands forcing me to look into his eyes. "Bella, you'll know I'll never really leave you right? I'll always be there for you even if I'm not actually there… theres no need for you to _ever_ feel alone." He whispered, running his thumbs across my cheeks as he slowly leant his forehead against mine. "I'll _always_ love you."

I let out a soft breath, feeling slightly calmed by his loving words. "I just don't feel ready for you to go… this isn't fair," I groaned, frustrated.

"I know Bella, I know," he whispered, pressing a lingering kiss to my forehead. "But…"

I cut him off, "I know… I understand," I told him honestly.

His eyes widened slightly, hope in them all of a sudden. "You do?" he asked quietly.

I nodded slowly, knowing I was telling nothing but the truth as I spoke. "Yes… I'm sorry for acting the way I did before, I guess… I guess I just needed to hear your reasons," I apologised, my eyes stinging from the tears in them.

Edward pulled me in for a sweet kiss, "Please don't apologise love," he whispered, love shining in his eyes. "And thank you… for accepting this. I needed you to understand before… _it happens."_ He whispered, pulling me back against his chest to rest there just a little longer… before we went back into that room, back into reality.

"You're welcome," I whispered quietly, as the never-ending tears began to fall once again.

***~*~***

Once we made our way back into his room we settled on the bed in eachother's arms again as we attempted to sleep, waiting for another day. I had something exciting to tell him - it was part of the reason why I wanted him to have the transplant - but I decided to wait until morning, knowing that he would want to be wide awake to hear the news.

Edward held on to me as tightly as he could, whispering how much he loved me against my neck for the entire night, as I slowly drifted asleep.

I could have sworn that in my final seconds of consciousness that Edward whispered, _'Goodbye my love,'_ against my lips, but it could have been my dream.

It was then that I eventually fell into an uneasy sleep. However when I did something in my mind told me to wake up… I felt frightened as if I knew that something very, very bad was going to happen.

_And it did._

Because when I eventually woke up I noticed that Edward's grip around my waist had loosened, and that his touch was colder… immediately my mind went to the worst possible scenario, and I began panicking.

"Edward…?" I shook his shoulder gently, "Edward, wake up please…"

_But he didn't. _

The machines beside him were beeping, showing me that he was still alive, though the beeps showing his heartbeat were definitely slower then last night.

And with a shiver of dread, I _knew_ what was happening.

And I was right… because he didn't wake up.

Carlisle came in regularly through the day running tests, before telling me with tears in his own eyes that Edward was in a coma.

He only had a couple of days left… _if that._

***~*~***

It was very late that night that Carlisle came to visit again, I was still lying in Edward's arms unwilling to move- I didn't even dare blink, afraid that he would disappear before my eyes. Esme had been here almost the whole day, and our friends had come in to visit for a little while, which meant I had company… not that I wanted it.

All I wanted was Edward.

The nurses and doctors kept telling me to move because the way I was lying with him 'wasn't allowed'… but I refused to go anywhere. I hadn't moved from my spot for hours now and despite my aching limbs and tired eyes I didn't plan on it.

Carlisle cleared his throat to alert me to his presence, but I didn't even look at him when I spoke, "When do you think he'll wake up?"

Carlisle let out a soft breath, laced with upset and defeat. "I don't think he will… not unless…" he paused, "No, never mind."

"What is it?" I mumbled- my voice lifeless as I finally turned my head to look at him.

"We've got a match… for a new kidney for him," he told me quietly, no emotion on his face. "… I know he said he didn't want it… but you're his wife Bella, you can sign consent for it," he said quietly.

I let out a gasp- surprised that it was even possible… I could save him? I could go against his wishes to ensure he had longer to live?!

"Oh, I-I don't know…" I stuttered.

Carlisle smiled slightly, "It's your decision Bella," he told me softly.

I bit my lip in thought and turned to face Edward, who was still motionless, "I don't know… I know what he would have wanted, but I just can't let him go… this isn't fair! We were supposed to have longer together…" I sobbed, resting my head against Edward's.

I felt Carlisle place his hand on my shoulder- it was clear he didn't know what to say. What could he say that would make this better after all?

_Nothing, that's what._

Eventually though, he sighed gently, "I'm sorry its come down to this, but we really need your decision soon."

I too sighed sadly, "I know," I murmured tiredly.

His hand squeezed my shoulder; "I'll come back in fifteen minutes okay?"

I looked up at the clock noticing that it was quarter to midnight, I could have told him it wasn't okay at all, but I knew that I had no choice- Edward only had hours left no matter what.

And so, I agreed, "Okay," I replied tiredly rubbing my eyes.

All was quiet for a moment, and then eventually Carlisle nodded and left, closing the door behind him.

And then it was just Edward and me… and the decision I had to make.

***~*~***

"_Load the car and write the note. Grab your bag and grab your coat,  
__Tell the ones that need to know... we are headed north._

_One foot in and one foot back, but it don't pay to live like that.  
__So I cut the ties and I jump the tracks... for never to return._

_Ah, Brooklyn, Brooklyn, take me in. Are you aware the shape I'm in?  
__My hands they shake, my head it spins. Ah, Brooklyn, Brooklyn, take me in..._

_Dumb, down and numb by time and age. Your dreams they catch the world to the cage...  
__The highway sets the travelers stage, All exits look the same._

_Three words that became hard to say,  
__I and Love and You…  
__I and Love and You…  
__I and Love and You."_

***~*~***

I had been in here the whole day, but now I had this decision looming over my head, the quiet and stillness of this room was deafening; all I could hear was the tick of the clock and the whirring of the machines. I knew I had to talk or the noises would drive me insane.

Besides, there were things I needed to tell Edward.

I needed to talk to him… to say goodbye before I made my decision.

So, I moved close to him again, and began whispering ever so gently in his ear- "Hey… I don't know if you can hear me right now, but for my sake I have to pretend that you can okay?" I murmured, brushing my fingers gently through his hair.

Then I began saying the first things that come to mind, not even knowing if they made sense- "It wasn't supposed to be like this huh? I thought we would have longer… it doesn't seem fair. You hear of people all the time… sixty years together or a crazy amount of time like that. It's just incredible… but we've only had just over a year. It's… just not… no, never mind, I need to lay off the negatives, you need to hear something better then that." – I paused for a moment before continuing.

"Let me tell you this instead- I swear that this year has been the best of my life, it will _always_ be the best of my life, I promise you that. I mean… I never thought I would get someone like you. Everything you've done for me has been amazing… you got my dad back for me, you bought me and my friends closer, you've given me a direction in life… you gave me you when I thought I would never find love. You gave me a husband who I knew meant every word when he promised to love me forever, and thank you for that."

I took a while to catch my breath, fighting away the tears the best I could but not succeeding. I eventually gave up and just let them fall as I spoke-

"I'm just sorry you've had to go through all of this, you're so wonderful… you're brave, you're kind, you're generous, you're warm, handsome, incredible… you're everything, and I'm sorry that life dealt you such a cruel blow. You do realise that was why I wanted you to fight right? I must have sounded so selfish saying that it was only because I didn't want to lose you… it was selfish because I know how selfless you are. I know you would survive for me and not for you, because you're just that kind and caring. But yeah I wanted you to fight because this world needs someone like you, it's too full of pain and evil people… whereas everything about you is good and pure." I told him sweetly, pressing my face against his neck, wetting his skin with my warm tears.

"I also wanted you to fight because I had something to tell you… I'm pregnant. You're going to be a dad. Crazy huh? It's our miracle and your little girl I'm sure of it… I hope shes like you- as brave and as beautiful as you are." I sighed, lifting his hand that was nearest to me and placing it on my stomach… knowing this might be the only time he would ever feel his baby. "I just wish you could be there to see her born, I know it could be possible… if I made the decision I so want to… but would you be mad at me? Is it cruel to ask you to suffer for so much longer, to go through the pain that's eaten away at you? … I know its not, but I really want to know your reaction to this." I told him, referring to the pregnancy of course.

I looked up at the clock and noticed that it was now nearing midnight, I suddenly felt like Cinderella, knowing that I only had so long left with him before my decision was made.

With a heartbroken sigh I turned my attention back to Edward, "What am I going to do if you don't make it huh? I don't see myself content the way I was… I don't even know if I want to go to medical school, or travel or just stay the way I am." I sighed, feeling confused about everything. "All I know is that there will _never _be another one for me… _never._ I couldn't betray you in that way… besides its not like I would even be able to open myself up to another person." I murmured, closing my eyes, trying to think of what to say.

"… Ever since I met you, one year and two months ago. I've finally realised that I don't need love to be happy… I never did. I don't need someone to love me and look after me… all those days of those twenty two years I spent wishing for them things were pointless, because all I needed was you."

I rested my head on his chest listening to his faint but strong heartbeat, "you can hear me can't you?" I murmured against the fabric of his hospital gown. "I know you can… and I know what you would be saying right now if you were awake. You would be telling me not to be sad and that everything's going to be okay. And I would be shaking my head in disbelief kind of like I am now, because I really don't know how it is going to be." I whispered as a single tear fell down my cheek, several more following, quickly wetting my cheeks all over again.

I let out a gentle breath against his skin, "… But I am going to do what you asked of me, I'm going to be as strong as I can be… and if and when you don't make it through this – as much as I won't want to - I will try to make a life for myself. Simply because I know its what you would want."

I was silent for a while; still resting my head on his chest, when a quick look at the clock told me that time was up. I had already made my decision, but I knew that following through with it was going to be that hardest thing I have ever and will ever do.

_But I had no choice… I knew it was what he would want. _

Feeling the pain begin to sink into me, I slowly moved myself so I was sitting on the edge of the bed, and then I slowly bent down so that my forehead was resting gently against his.

"These words are the hardest thing I'll ever say," I whispered, my breath blowing across his face, my tears falling onto his cheeks. "…Because I don't know if I'll be able to tell them to you again."

I took a deep shuddering breath, "But because I know deep down that you are still here with me, please listen and believe in this. I'm here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will _always_ love you, for forever, for eternity and beyond. What we've had is _something beautiful_ and I will keep these feelings with me, until the day I die."

"I just wish you could say something back to me or hold me to you… but you're listening and that's all that matters, and hopefully… you'll feel this" I whispered before pressing my lips to his.

I kissed him once, twice, three times, barely brushing my lips against his, leaving traces of my salty tears on his lips. When I finished was when the outcome of my decision really sunk in, and I closed my eyes as I cried quietly, holding his hand up against my cheek.

"Goodbye for now," I murmured to him gently.

I love you, I love you, I love you…

_I'm sorry. _

A quiet knock on the door disturbed my thoughts, I turned to see Carlisle walk in, a sad expression covering his face- "Hey, is everything okay?"

"Yes," I replied, wiping away my tears with my free hand while keeping my other one in Edwards.

He looked at our clasped hands and sighed sadly, "and…?"

I closed my eyes, trying to fight off the tears. "And I've made my decision."

***~*~***

"_I woke up and wished that I was dead, With an aching in my head,  
__I lay motionless in bed.  
__I thought of you and where you'd gone and let the world spin madly on_

_Everything that I said I'd do, Like make the world brand new.  
__And take the time for you... I just got lost and slept right through the dawn… And the world spins madly on…_

_I let the day go by, I always say goodbye.  
__I watch the stars from my windowsill,  
__The whole world is moving and I'm standing still…"_

***~*~***

**Present day**

_September 2009_

That was nine months ago… a mere three months and three weeks into our marriage.

Its amazing how time manages to pass, even when it seems so impossible… all those months ago I never thought I would see this day. Instead all I could see was the deadline looming over me, bringing with it a huge decision I had to make.

_Which I did. _

While most people agreed it was the right thing to do, I knew that some people thought I had made the wrong decision… they kept asking, _'why didn't you want to save your husband?' _… which I will admit hurt a lot.

Everytime they asked that I would never say anything in response, but the thoughts in my mind would always be the same.

'_I did save him… I gave him love, a wife, a legacy… and I set him free.' _

He died a few hours after I made the decision- he was held in my arms as I told him how much I loved him, and as I promised that I would look after our baby.

… _His miracle. _

People were surprised that he didnt last longer- tests came back showing that it wasnt his kidneys that killed him in the end... but he that just stopped breathing for no reason. I believe its because he was listening to what I said all along... he was waiting for me to say goodbye, and for me to accept him dying. He wanted my acceptance and he wanted me to understand that he wanted to die... which I did.

It was incredibly difficult after his death… it still is. Every day I wake up and expect him to be there beside me... whenever I go to work I always look up hopefully whenever someone enters the cafe… hoping that somehow it would be him.

It was a month after his death that I was at my lowest point- my friends were busy with college, Carlisle and Esme were taking time away, and I was in Forks only with Charlie's company. It was that one day that I seriously considered joining him- the pain was unbearable. I missed him too much, and it seemed like the agony was far too great to cope with anymore.

I ended up collapsing on my bed in tears once again, fully intending to end my misery, but then I somehow ended up falling asleep.

And then he was suddenly there… in my dreams.

He told me how much he loved me, and how he just wanted me to live and look after his baby- and that there was no reason to be sad, because he would never leave me... and for those single moments as he spoke I actually believed it was real. However, I awoke a few hours later to find myself alone once again, and for a while the pain was stronger then ever before until I realised… it was actually like I'd had him there with me.

Every night after that I would dream of him… we would be up on the cliffs, looking for eachother and would then end up in eachother's arms, whispering our love and devotion as time passed around us.

In my dreams I could remember everything about him… his soft voice, his crooked smile, the way his arms would feel around me…

And it actually felt like it was real. I had to get used to the fact that it wasn't though… but still, it was like he was still here with me to some extent… I had to spent the days feeling nothing but pain and loneliness and then in the nights I could be with him again.

Just us two against the world forever… the way it should have been.

Throughout these months the pain never eased once… I knew that it never would, even if I lived forever. He was the one for me… and I knew that I would be joining him as soon as I could… once our baby girl didn't need me anymore that is.

It was two months ago, in the middle of July that Grace Marie Hope Cullen was born... seven months on from Edward's death. Instantly she bought light back into my darkness… she was beautiful. With Edward's bronze hair even from birth and his calm temperament, everyone simply adored her. Being around Grace numbed a lot of the pain, and although things would never be perfect again without him… they were certainly a lot better.

All my friends adored her and she even seemed to bring Esme and Carlisle back to life… they felt as if they had some of Edward back… and I did too- I just hoped that she grew up to be as wonderful and caring as he was.

A few days after Grace was born I took her to see her dad in the cemetery, and told her all about her dad… vowing that she would grow up knowing everything about her wonderful father… whom I knew would have adored her. I made sure to visit his grave as often as I could, telling him everything about Grace and how everyone and I were doing.

The truth was that Grace had given me something to live for, and after much encouragement from Carlisle and Esme I had decided to go to medical school after all on a part time course… I started in a few days time. Esme was going to look after Grace on the days that I was there, training to be an oncologist… I had decided to go down that route, wanting to help people that were in similar situations to Edward.

_I know that he would be proud of me. _

It seems like just yesterday that I lost my sunshine, my love, and my husband… but that wasn't the reality. It was in fact now nine months on… and I had just dreamt of him again.

… But I'm awake now.

Slowly but surely I opened my eyes to the darkness that surrounded me with a hint of a smile of my face… after dreaming that dream with him on the cliffs again, everything seemed so much clearer now.

I knew what I had to do.

Which was getting out of here… because I needed to go to him.

I called Esme to check if she could look after Grace a few more hours, which she replied almost instantly with an enthusiastic 'yes'… Grace had been over to Carlisle and Esme's for the night for the first time, and even though I missed her terribly… I was almost glad now for the privacy because it allowed me to do what I was planning… where I was going to do.

I got in my car and drove out of the city- it was a sunny day today; I had the windows rolled down as I listened to _Dashboard confessional_- our favourite band. I let out a breath as the warm air swept my hair back, and as the sunlight glinted off my wedding ring… which would stay there on my left hand for eternity.

I eventually pulled over at my destination and began walking… I followed the trail that was marked knowing it wouldn't get me lost. I mainly followed my instinct though… waiting for the sound of the crashing waves to lead me forward.

… And then I heard them.

And so I began running wildly, tears beginning to stream down my face as I sobbed loudly, knowing I was nearly there…

And then the cliffs were in front of me- as beautiful as ever, with the sunlight causing everything to look so, so blue. It was just like the last time I was here and the same as in my dreams…

I wiped my tears, knowing I would love this place for as long as I lived. It was our place… where I knew he would be.

I walked as close to the edge as I dared and turned my head up towards the sky, waiting, wishing…

And then I could almost feel him with me again.

I knew he was near by the way the air felt, it was like electricity was all around… it made me feel _alive._ After nine months of pain I finally felt like could breathe again… I could smell the salt in the air and feel the wind blowing against me, and I could finally take notice of how blue and beautiful the sky was…

I closed my eyes with a smile on my face, knowing that everything was going to be okay. He was here with me; he would _never_ leave me.

And then I heard his voice in the wind; I could feel his love as he whispered ever so softly in my ear, "Happy anniversary, my love."

* * *

**So yeah... thats the end. ;( Thoughts? I'm sure you have mixed ones! Did it make anyone sad? I actually think it was almost happy... because if you think about it... Edward was going to die anyway, yet he got what he wanted... love, and proof that he actually lived in his daughter. But yeah, I know its sad because its Bella's POV and its a sad story for her. As I mentioned up the top it was the part where Edward explained why he wanted to die that got me crying ;( but yeah... **

**I didnt mean for this to be negative either... I know that a huge amount of people survive cancer, which is incredible. I would have written it that way, but I know that there are sadly a lot of people who lose their lives to it, and I wrote this as a dedication to the people I know that this has happened too. **

**Let me know what you think with a _review!_ **

**I actually have so many more ideas in mind... I almost wish I had done this as a full length story haha. I have half of an alternate ending written (where she makes the other decision and the impact of that), I've also got some of Edward's POV of this story written, and am interested in writing a story about Bella/Grace, aka the pregnancy and her growing up and Bella eventually joining Edward but yeah... I think its best that I leave it here and not get carried away haha. But just out of interest and complete and utter curiosity, what would people be most interested in reading out of those three? **

**Anyway I really hope you all liked my short story... thanks for reading! Emma.x**


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